


Morph to Someone Else

by fear_her_blurryface



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Bullying, Nightmares, Other, Self-Hatred, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:35:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 29,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22867228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fear_her_blurryface/pseuds/fear_her_blurryface
Summary: You can try to change your life, and sometimes you'll find more, then you're searching for. But this doesn't mean, theres no price you have to pay for.This fic is loosely inspired by "Until you can't run anymore" by SonataNocturne.
Comments: 20
Kudos: 4





	1. Prologe - Animal I have become

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SonataNocturne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonataNocturne/gifts).



It was pure pain that brought her back of consciousness. She tried to sit up, panting heavely and leaned her battered back against the wall of a run down building. The narrow dead end street was deserted again, as if nothing had happened. Only the wind was playing with the garbage that was laying on the ground. A can rolled past her and disappeared into the darkness again. She felt like that can. Empty…  
, She wiped her dirty hands over her face absently, staining them with blood. She didn't care where the blood came from because it didn't matter. Just like she didn't care about anything else, since the day the light disappeared from her life forever and would never come back.  
She was about to get up with gritted teeth when a new gust of wind blew a piece of newspaper into her face, suddenly. Cursing, she was about to throw it away when her eyes finds a job advertisement:

'Tour assistance for band wanted: 003589034’or mail to jobsfueledbyramen@gmail.com'

She checked the date of the newspaper, to find out, it was today‘s edition. Without really knowing why, she headed to the small, run down internet cafe at the crossroads.  
No one paid any attention to her when she put a dollar bill on the counter and sat down at the farest corner in front of a PC. Her application was typed quickly because there was not much to say about her. When she got up from the worn chair, she was almost certain that she never wouldn’t hear anything from this record company anyway.

When she entered her shabby little apartment, she immediately got rid of the torn clothes and threw them in the trash can. Then she headed straight for the shower. When the hot water flowed down her body she felt a little better for the first time today, hoping that the soap and water will wash away the many handprints that were still burning on her skin.  
Finally she managed to crawled onto her mattress, ignoring her aching bones and covered herself with an old army blanket. She just wanted to sleep and forget.

The next morning she woke from a recurring nightmare, trying desperately to getting her breathing under control. She heard a soft 'bing' coming from her old, worn smartphone.  
Surprised, she pulled it off the charging cable and opened the email that had come in:

'Jobsfueledbyramen@gmail.com: Dear Mrs. Rosefield,  
we would like to ask you to join us on March, 3rd, at 10:00 a.m. for a job interview.

Sincerely 

John Janick

She stared at the message in disbelief. After a while, she typed a brief confirmation of the appointment and rose from the mattress with a groan, shuffling into the bathroom.  
She wasn't even surprised to see the last night's marks on her face. A black eye, a cracked lip ... nothing she hadn't caught before from a client. She had two days left to come up with a way to hide this damage.


	2. You're the Judge

Sitting in front of the 3 men in the conference room, she felt like she was on a dock. Most of the questions were asked by the head of the record company, which she answered as best as she could. The other two men eyed her in silence, which drove her mad inside.  
Shortly afterwards she was asked to wait outside for a while. As she took a seat in an armchair in a corner and made herself as small as possible, she looked around. Everything was so normal, clean and nice. When she thought of her shabby existence, she suddenly felt terribly out of place.  
Just as she was wondering what she was thinking to apply here, she heard an exuberant voice: "So, who do we have there? A new face in this boring company! ”She looked up in astonishment and saw a man standing in front of her, who was grinning widely at her. He had an exceptionally high forehead that even his long black hair couldn‘t hide.  
Before she could reply, she heard someone say, “Bren, stop scaring our new assistant. The black head turned and countered: "Oh Jish, you‘re here as well?" Now she could finally see who had helped her out of this. It was one of the silent men from the conference room.  
He grinned at Brendon and replied, "As you can see." Then they hugged each other with a laugh. "Why do you get an assistant and I don't?" The black-haired man started to moan and Josh grinned even wider. "Because ... we are always nice and kind"  
Then the other laughed: "That's cute: May I remind you that it was Tyler who released a song by you for free download last month" Josh folded his arms over his chest, pursed his lips and replied smugly : "As I said: We are nice and kind - to our fans"  
"Brendon, can you come to my office, please" was heard from one of the rooms. Brendon rolled his eyes and whistled: "Of course, Daniel. I'm flying, Daniel ... "Before he finally turned away, he asked Josh in a whisper:" What do you think, Jish: If I release my entire album for free download, it's definitely worth 3 assistants, right? "  
"BREDON !!!" was heared from Daniel's office, again. "Cooomming!" the black-haired man fluted again, winked at Josh and her and danced away towards the office.  
The whole scene had been so absurd that even she couldn't help herself, but grin.  
However, that immediately disappeared when Josh turned to her: "Sorry for Brendon's appearance. He's a crazy noodle and very straight out, but otherwise he's harmless." He smiled kindly at her and she could feel her cheeks flush as she softly replied," It‘s alright. He really seems to be an amusing guy.” She followed Josh back into the conference room, where she was actually told that she had got the job.  
Since it was afternoon, already John said: "Well, then we should go out for a meal at the end. Any suggestions? “Josh and Tyler looked at each other and started grinning. "Oh no ..." John whispered, guessing what was coming. "Taco Bell!" The two called in unison. Then they looked at her and Tyler asked, "Is that okay with you, Aria?"  
She didn't care because she knew she couldn't afford any food. Some bills had to be paid, so she had no choice.  
"Yes. I ... I'm just not really hungry, "she replied quietly.  
Tyler raised an eyebrow and looked at her silently for a few seconds before leaning over and whispering in her ear, "Aria, you are invited. You don't have to pay for anything”. Her reaction spoke volumes when she looked at the ground and blushed slightly in shame.  
Josh looked at the two in confusion, but before he could ask anything, she said: “This is really very nice, but unfortunately, I have a lot to do, but I promise you that we could go to Taco Bell another time, together. "  
Tyler sighed and Aria could see that he wasn’t happy with her answer. Josh also looked at her with regret when he remarked: "It's a shame that you don't have time today. Then, maybe after the briefing next week? "  
Since she didn't want to disappoint them again, she agreed and at the same time she started to think about, how to save enough money to be able to keep her promise.


	3. You need to make Money

On the way back, she rummaged through the garbage cans of some restaurants and supermarkets and was lucky enough to find something edible in them. It wasn't like she wasn't used to it. She was one of the dregs of society, so it was exactly what she deserved.  
When the sun went down, she was back at her usual corner, waiting for clients who would pay her instead of just taking what she wanted and then beating her up.  
Her first client was rough, but at least he paid the agreed price. She was standing in her corner less than 5 minutes when someone came up to her and asked in a greasy tone: "Hey bitch, would you like to suck my cock?"  
"For $ 30 I think about it." "Then we agree," the guy replied with a big grin and started to open his pants.  
Aria sent prayers skyward that the guy would be done soon because his cock tasted disgusting and with every thrust it became more difficult to suppress her nausea. When the guy was finally satisfied, he roughly pushed her aside and threw the money scornfully in front of her feet. She realized just now that he had recorded the whole thing on his cell phone. "I will enjoy the movie here for quite a while," he commented before turning away and leaving Aria to her own devices.  
She threw up before picking up the money and decided that she had enough for tonight. When she got to her shabby little apartment, she immediately slipped into the shower hoping to get rid of that sticky, dirty feeling. But deep inside she knew that there was not enough water in the world to wash her guilt away. She brushes her teeth for a very long time only to make sure that the disgusting taste of sperm and stomach acid would finally disappear.

The loneliness was heavy on her as she lay on her mattress in the dark. There was no sound and she began to wonder how she had turned into nothing more then a animal. Images flickered in her memory, images from another time, from another life. Too long ago to be really true. She let out a choked sob before falling asleep from exhaustion.

The following days passed quickly. And so she found herself back in the record company on the day of the briefing. She was walking down the hallway to the conference room when a handsome golden retriever rushed toward her. She could barely spot Josh behind the dog, who shouted, "Jim, not so stormy!" Before being knocked over by the animal and found herself on the floor with a wet dog tongue in her face. "Oh god Aria, I'm so sorry," the drummer babbled and pulled Jim off of her. Then he took her hand and helped her to get up while Jim happily jumped around them. "I hope you didn't hurt yourself," he asked as she wiped her face with a handkerchief. "I’m okay, Josh. I can take it ”  
John stuck his head out of the conference room and said, "Ah, Jim has introduced himself, right?. "He did " Josh said slightly contrite. "It's really okay," she reassured the two of them and smiled shyly at John.

The briefing was harmonious. This time the technical crew was also there and everyone introduced each other. Aria found out that she would get a small trailer serving as her office and living space. She was happy about it, although most of the other crew members couldn't understand it.  
It was okay because if they knew what their shabby apartment looked like, they would turn away in disgust. Especially if they knew how she had carved her existence till yesterday.  
After all positions and tasks had been clarified, the group slowly dissolved again to make the final preparations for the tour start tomorrow. John gave Aria a company laptop with all the necessary programs. In addition, a series of files and forms. "Have fun with it," he added with a grin. "I will" she countered and grinned challenging back.  
"If you want, you can put the stuff in your trailer,already" Tyler suggested, who had approached her. "Sure," she replied and followed him, Josh and Jim down to the large garage, where all the buses and trucks were waiting. Her little trailer was standing in the back corner and she opened it curiously. She had to smile when she looked around. On one side was a small dining area and right behind was a bed next to the wall. On the other side was a small kitchenette, a shower cubicle and the toilet. The rest of the room was equipped with various cupboards as storage space. " John could have got you a bigger trailer."Tyler commented.   
She looked at him in surprise: "I think he's just right. Small, compact and cozy ” and grinned at him. She stowed her tools in a closet and then asked, "Well, I don't know if you still have time and want to, but I would like to keep my promise and invite you to Taco Bell." Both started to grin and nodded in delight.


	4. Knock, knock who's there?

When Aria unlocked the door to her apartment, she was relieved to know that it would be her last night here. Your things were quickly packed and fit in a sports bag, including the small, inconspicuous shoe box. The only proof that her life had been different a long time ago. The only witness who could tell about it was on the mattress. An old stuffed animal in the shape of a lion that had lost its magnificent mane a long time ago. Tired, she dropped onto the mattress and hugged the lion before she fell asleep.  
The next morning she was one of the first in the garage. She was admitting her new home when she heard a panting behind her and felt a few paws on her shoulders seconds later, followed by a wet tongue on her ear. "Well Jim, did you take off again?" She asked him laughing and turned to the male who started to bark happily.  
Seconds later, Josh stuck his head into the trailer and said sternly, “Jim Dun, your robbery-like visits are starting to get out of control. We have to change that.” The dog looked at him innocently and wagged his tail. "Good morning Josh" Aria said, stroking the dog's back as she added, "I had the door open and he had the time and the opportunity. We can try to teach him how to knock ”and smiled. "Good morning ," he replied and was about to add something when a female voice was heard: "Josh, where are you, again?" He turned and shouted: "Here, Debby". A pretty young women appeared shortly thereafter and looked questioningly at the drummer. “Debby, this is Aria, our new assistant. Aria, may I introduce you to Debby, my fiancee "Aria smiled and was about to hold out her hand, but Debby looked away instead asking Josh:" How it comes, that you need an assistant? You've managed everything alone with Mark, so far? ”The drummer was speechless for a moment because of her dismissive behavior, but then he said: John thought we could use some relief, especially Mark.” “Oh” she said shortly and turned away. Josh mumbled a "Sorry" and he and Jim followed her.  
Aria wasn't sure what to make of it, but decided to stop thinking about it. After all, she was used to far worse behavior towards her.  
When she was struggling with the tangled cable of the laptop some time later, there was a knock on her door. When she called „Come in“, Tyler and a pretty woman with blonde hair and ice-blue eyes entered her trailer. In contrast to Debby, the stranger smiled kindly when Tyler spoke up: "Good Morning Aria, this is my wife Jenna. Aria is our new assistant and will support us and Mark, ”he said. After the experience with Josh's fiancé, she only gave a shy smile and a soft "nice to meet you" when she shook hands with Jenna. "Oh, by the way, we're going to start in half an hour." Tyler added.   
"Okay," she replied, and the two set off again.

Aria learned quickly that the fans of Josh and Tyler were the most passionate people she had ever met. It made her happy that they were loved so much. She always had to smile when she passed the long rows of mostly young people undetected to get something for a crew member. She preferred to remain a ghost, because on the inside she was one already.  
Jim spent the sound check and the concerts in their trailer because Josh had noticed that the two of them were a good team.  
One evening it got particularly late and without wanting Aria had fallen asleep on the bed with Jim.  
"Hey Aria, sorry ..." Josh started when he opened the door to her caravan, but then became silent. Jim raised his head and looked at his master sleepily. The drummer tried to show him to not to move, but the loyal dog jumped up and trotted towards him. This made Aria startle and look around in panic. "Argh, I’m so sorry, I didn't want to wake you up," Josh began. " That's fine. Didn't even notice that I fell asleep. How was the concert?"  
"Great! Our fans were over the Moon. Tyler gave everything, again. ”  
"Like you" She remarked and smiled shyly. "Um, yes ..." he confirmed and blushed slightly. "Oh by the way, Debby is coming tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it, ”he changed the subject.  
"OK. Should I get something for both of you? "  
"That would be nice." She nodded and he started to leave. But then he looked down at her and his face darkened. Aria didn't quite understand why at first, until she remembered that she was only wearing a spaghetti shirt. She quickly reached for a blanket to hide her arms, which were covered with ugly scars. "Aria ..." he started, looking at her sympathetically, but she just shook her head and looked embarrased down to the floor. "Have a good night," he said after a short moment of silence and left with Jim. She locked the door behind Josh and let herself fall back onto the bed in frustration, grumbling to herself: "Sure, you had to screw it up again."  
Nobody should see her scars. These silent witnesses of her failure, her inability. Something like that sooner or later always led to questions. Questions that she didn't want to reply to.

The next morning, Aria collected the bills that were relevant to the tour from all crew members. When she walked past the stage technicians, she noticed that Matty was looking strangely at her, but she dismissed it as an imagination. She left notes at Tylers and Joshs caravan to not disturb them. Then she got something for Josh and Debby.  
When they arrived at the next town, Mark came over with Jim and handed her the bills and the dog. "Josh is busy, that's why I'm bringing you Jim" he explained to her. After he left, she said, "It looks like I messed up royally with your master, did I?" Jim cocked his head and whimpered in response before he put his head in her lap.  
After doing the billing, she went for a walk with Jim and stopped at Josh's trailer to prepare him for Debby. Then they trotted back to their little trailer.  
She was busy with an order when there was a knock on her door. "Come in," she said, and was surprised when Josh stormed in and hugged her joyfully, "Aww, thank you, Aria! You decorated the caravan so beautifully! Thank you, thank you! ”He burst out and had a megawatt grin on his face. "You’re welcome" she replied shyly.  
"Debby will be happy"  
"I hope so. You can tell me everything later if you like. "  
"I will". Then he looked at her slightly mischievously and asked: "Um, would it be okay for you if Jim would stay with you over night?"  
"Of course," she replied, turning to the dog, who was looking from one to the other. "Hey boy, this evening we both have a very exclusive pajama party. Just you and me. "Jim barked in response and she turned to Josh with a smile:" Looks like 'your child' agrees. "  
"Thanks" Josh replied, smiling at her. "Then I'll see you tomorrow" he added, and Aria nodded.


	5. Living with Ghosts

The concert was in full swing when she made her evening walk with Jim. As she was about to unlock her trailer, she heard a voice say, "Well, all alone again?" She turned in surprise and saw Matty standing in front of her, grinning at her darkly. "I'm not alone, as you can see," and pointed to Jim. He only snorted contemptuously and replied with a greasy undertone: "It's a nice career jump from a whore to an assistant, isn't it?"  
"I don't know what you mean" Aria said, but froze inside. "Well then I'll give your memory a helping hand," he replied, pulling out his smartphone and starting a video.  
The pictures spoke facts when she saw herself sucking a client's cock.  
"Well, do you remember now?" He asked with a greasy grin on his face.  
"And? What do you want to do with it now? ”She asked, trying to sound unimpressed even though she had a lot of trouble keeping her panic under control. "Nothing, assuming you're kind to me."  
"Forget it!" Was her prompt answer.  
"I think Josh and Tyler would be horrified to find out what kind of shit they got as an assistant."  
"So?" She replied and became increasingly angry. "Then show them the video! They will be just as horrified to find out what kind of shit they have hired as a stage technician, who is trying to blackmail others. ”  
Matty was visibly overwhelmed with her reaction because he only stared at her with his mouth open.  
Before he found his voice again, Aria added: "Fuck off! I haven‘t time for shitbags like you. ”   
The stage technician's face turned red and he growled:“ I promise you, you will regret that, bitch! ”Then he turned away and left furiously.

It was in the middle of the night when she heard a soft knock on the door. Aria sat up sleepily while Jim was waiting happily already at the door. She looked back and forth between the dog and the door, but then decided to trust Jim and opened it carefully.  
She was more than surprised when she saw Josh standing in the dark, who looked rather kinked. "Hey Josh, what are you doing here? What happened? ”He looked at her and wanted to say something, but his voice failed. Now she saw that he was close to tears and without thinking about it she hugged him carefully. The drummer cried out on her shoulder and she stroked his back soothingly.  
After a while he broke away from her and said with a scratchy voice: "Sorry".  
Aria cocked her head and replied, "You don't have to apologize, Josh." He smiled shyly at her and she asked carefully, "Would you tell me what happened?"  
"Yes, but not here. Would you come to my caravan with me? "  
Sure, but isn't Debby with you? "  
Josh shook his head. Aria was surprised, but then she nodded silently and they made their way to his trailer. When the drummer switched the light on, Aria stopped, needing some seconds to process the sight that was offered to her.  
The whole decoration that she had prepared for them was scattered all over the floor. Even parts of the cake she had got stuck everywhere.  
" Oh my god! What happened here? "She asked and Josh lowered his eyes when he answered ashamed:" Debb was upset, that I didn't decorate the caravan myself. "  
"Yeah, I see" Aria replied, adding: "But that is by no means a reason to freak out like that."  
"Well, to be honest, she didn't freak out until I told her you were doing the decoration," Josh replied, looking at her with regret.  
Aria didn't know what he wanted to tell her with this statement. It was clear from the first moment that Debby didn't like her; but the fact that she went crazy because of such a little thing, told her that her aversion was more likely hate.  
"You hadn’t to tell her, who did the decoration."  
"Yeah, probably" Josh agreed, dropping to the couch in frustration. "Where is she actually?" Aria asked.  
"She rushed angrily back to her hotel" he replied, burying his face in his hands. Jim had moved into his basket and Aria decided to clean the mess up.  
Josh was so lost in thought and his assistant was so quiet that he winced when she put a cup of hot cocoa on the coffee table. "Sorry," Aria said when the drummer looked at her in confusion. "It's all right," he replied. "I totally forgot that you‘re still here." She took a few seconds to deal with the sting that he had given her with his comment.   
"I don't want to bother you any longer" she replied. "Should I take Jim back with me?" The drummer shook his head. " I wish you a good night, then" she said and was through the door.  
On the way to her trailer, Josh's words echoed inside of her head. She knew she was easy to forget. "The ghost of me, no one needs to see ... please let me be gone ..." she sang softly to herself and disappeared into her caravan a little later.  
A figure emerged from the darkness moments later and sang softly: "I don't let you be gone ..."

"Hey Jish, what was the matter with you and Debby, yesterday?" Tyler asked over breakfast. The drummer sighed and told him about last night's events. "Wow, that sounds violent." After a while, he added, "Despite all of this, it wasn‘t really fair of Debby to leave you like that. Did she gave you a shout in the meantime? " No" the drummer replied and sighed again. "Aria was so nice and cleaned the caravan."  
When? Tonight ?!” Tyler asked confused. The drummer nodded and told him the rest of the events. Tyler shook his head and replied, "You get her out of bed in the middle of the night, let her comfort you and then forget about her, while she makes you cocoa and cleans up all the mess that Debby has done ?!  
Did you at least thank her? "  
His band mate blushed and replied sheepishly, "No, I totally forgot. When she put the cocoa down for me, I told her that I totally forgot that she was still there. She left immediately afterwards and wished me a good night. "  
Tyler ran a hand over his face and groaned, "Jiiish, do you realize how disrespectful and rude that was?"  
"No. I hadn't realized that until just now. I was so preoccupied with my own thoughts that I honestly didn't notice that I was such a ruffian to Aria. "  
"Well then hopefully you know what you're going to do after breakfast, right?" the singer asked and Josh nodded eagerly.


	6. Sometimes you gotta bleed to know

Aria was sitting on a folding chair, staring lost in her coffee as the grit of gravel made her look up. Seconds later she had a wet dog tongue on her face and paws on her lap. "Hey Jim, I'm happy to see you too. Did you have a good night, boy? "  
"I hope you are happy to see me as well" the drummer said shyly. She looked at him irritated for a second and wondered if that was meant ambiguously, but let the thought go and replied   
"Sure. Why shouldn't I be happy? "  
Josh scratched his neck in embarrassment and replied" Because I was such a bully last night?"  
Aria sighed and replied" It's all right. I know you were off track."  
Josh pulled out a muffin from behind his back and handed it to her with a grin. "For you. As an apology and thank you for last night. ”She looked at him in surprise and hesitantly accepted the muffin. "Thanks Josh, but that wouldn't have been necessary," and gave him a shy smile. „You more than earned it” and smiled at her. "Would you like some coffee before we leave?" She asked him. "Yes, please."  
Aria dashed into the caravan and came out with a second folding chair and a coffee cup, a little later. When the drummer took a seat, she asked "How did you sleep?"  
" Not really good. I just couldn't stop wondering why Debby was freaking out because of you. "  
"The fact is, she doesn't like me. And when you told her that it wasn't you who made the decoration, but me, it probably irritated her twice. "  
"But I don't understand that. You didn't do anything to her! "  
"Maybe she's afraid that I want to take you away from her. Don't forget, some people get head movies when they hear the word 'assistant'. "  
The drummer's jaw dropped. "So you think she's afraid that we have more than a working relationship?"  
"Yes. At least that's how I explain her behavior to myself. However, if you want to be certain, you should ask her personally.”  
"I would, but she doesn’t respond to my messages and calls"  
Aria looked at him in surprise, "You haven't spoken to each other since the incident?"  
The drummer shook his head. "Did you tell Tyler?" „He thinks her freak out was more than misbehaving.”  
Then he added "And then he gave me a hell, because I was such an idiot towards you" and smiled contrite.  
"You're not an idiot," Aria said, starting to laugh and continued, "Sorry Josh, but I can literally see Tyler reading the Levites to you and the picture is just too sweet." Now Josh started to laugh as well till a familiar voice said, "Well, I hope I cut a figure in your head cinema as well as in real life." The two fell silent for a few seconds, but when Tyler starts to grin, they started to snort again and Tyler joined them.

The following days passed without any incident. Josh and Debby had talked and were good again. Jenna had announced to join them tomorrow, and Tyler was walking around with a particularly wide grin. Aria was happy for Tyler. Jenna and he were such a nice couple. Josh and Debby also made an equally attractive duo, at least on the outside, but she really wondered why Debby was sometimes so bossy with Josh. But this wasn’t her business and she reminded herself that she was pretty much the last person on earth to have the right to judge others.

She was sitting over some documents when Jenna entered her caravan. "Hello Jenna" she greeted her in surprise and smiled at her. Tyler's wife smiled back and said, "Hello Aria, how are you?" It took a few seconds for her to answer, "Okay ( big, fat lie). Hope everything is okay with you? "  
"Yes everything is good. We're throwing a birthday party in the backstage area for Josh tonight. You're coming too, aren't you? ”Aria didn't know what to answer. Did Josh even want her around?  
Jenna seemed to be guessing her thoughts when she added, "Dear, don't let Debby intimidate you." You are as much a part of our tour family as the rest of us. Josh also spoke to her and set her straight. So I guess you don't have to worry about her anymore. "  
Aria looked gratefully at Jenna and replied "Thank you"  
"No cause" the blonde replied and left the caravan again.  
Aria also wanted to add something to the party buffet, so she made two large bowls of Eton's mess and chilled them. She also made a small drum kit out of Oreo cookies including a small marzipan Josh. When the concert was on its last legs, she brought the two bowls and the gift to the lounge where the party was to take place. Jim, who was accompanying her, watched curiously as she, Jenna and two of the stage technicians set up the room. After the concert it didn't take long for the room to fill up with people. Josh and Debby were among the last to enter the room. Most rushed hungry to the buffet, but Aria didn't dare to take any of it. Sure, she was hungry like everyone else, but she was too scared to eat anything away. Nobody should stay hungry because of her. Only when everyone had filled their plates did she take a piece of pizza and some orange juice.  
"Oh my god, what is that? It tastes so good! ”She heard Josh ask enthusiastically and was surprised to see that he had a large portion of Eton's mess in front of him.  
"It's called Eton's Mess" she replied so softly, that he almost missed her. "Did you do that?" the drummer asked in surprise and got a shy nod in response. Now he saw the drum kit and started laughing. "Let me guess you did the drum kit, right?"  
"Yes. I did." she replied softly.  
"Thank you very much. It looks really cute."  
"My pleasure. I'm glad you like it” she replied, smiling shyly at him.  
Now the others pounced on the dessert and within a very short time the first bowl was empty. Tyler, who also wanted to try, pouted when he stood in front of the empty bowl. " Tyler wait, I‘ve made a second bowl," Aria said, and was about to pull it out of the fridge when someone bumped hard into her and the bowl slipped out of her hand. It smashed on the hard concrete floor and the dessert spread all over the place.  
She looked around in confusion and saw Debby standing next to her, sarcastically remarking, "Oh, I'm really sorry. I didn't want that ”and smiled sweetly at her. " You should wipe up the mess right away before someone else cuts his Hands on the shards" and turned away.   
Aria felt all eyes on herself and didn't want to start a fight with Debby in front of the assembled team. So, without a word, she started to eliminate the misery. Tyler and Jenna wanted to help her, but she refused. She wanted to get it done as quickly as possible and she ignored the first pieces of glass boring into her palms.  
"Let me help you at least" she heard Josh's voice and seconds later he was at eye level. She was about to say something when Debby's voice cut across the room, "Josh, can you tell me, what you're doing down there! It‘s not your problem, if she‘s so clumsy that everything falls out of her hands!"   
The drummer grimaced and was about to answer when Aria said softly," Josh it‘s good. Let her. Anything else just makes it worse. He looked at her with a mixture of compassion and dismay. Then he barely nodded and rose.

Aria had managed to hide her bleeding hands until she reached the trailer. She bandaged her and was about to go to bed when there was a knock on her door.  
She didn't feel like talking to anyone. She wanted to be alone, but whoever stood in front of the door ,did not give up and so she opened with a sigh.  
She was surprised to see Tyler standing in front of her. "Hey Aria," he said shyly, "I just wanted to check if you‘re okay." She looked at him in amazement and had difficulties to suppress a laugh. She hadn't been okay for a long time ... she could hardly remember, that it had ever been different. And now it didn't matter anymore. But then she looked into Tyler's genuinely concerned eyes and she was really sorry that he seemed to be really worried about her.  
"I'm okay, Tyler" she replied, and even managed a small smile. The singer cocked his head and Aria sensed that her answer hadn't really convinced him. She was already thinking about what else she could say when he suddenly grabbed her arm and pushed up the sleeve of her hoodie jacket. "No offense, but you are not. You’re hurt! "  
Aria, broke away and replied in an angry tone," Yes, I am, but you don't have to care, Tyler. Nobody needs to worry about that. ”  
"But .." the singer started but his assistant cut him off: "Good night, Tyler", turned around and left him standing in front of the closed door in the dark.


	7. And I'll try to save you

"Did anything happen between you and Tyler yesterday?" Mark asked as they were on their way to the next town. Aria looked at him in surprise and replied: "Not that I know of. Why?"  
"I picked up a conversation with Josh saying he was worried about you." She sighed and replied, "I told him not to worry about me, Mark." She looked out of the car window, hoping Mark would drop the subject.  
"Debby’s appearance really annoyed us all, yesterday and Josh gave her hell afterwards."  
Aria didn't answer. She simply should have known better that it wasn't a good idea to appear at the party. They would all have had a great time if she had stayed in their trailer.  
She turned to Mark and panicked slightly when she noticed his concerned look.  
"I promise I will talk to Tyler when we get there. And ... and I think it's better if I stay away from future parties. "  
Mark had stopped the car, and his expression had changed from worried to stunned.  
"Aria, it's not you who have to stay away from any parties, but Debby if she can't behave. You have done nothing wrong."  
"Mark, let's see it realistically: I'm just the little assistant and Debby is Josh's fiance. So the posittions are pretty clear, aren’t they? ”She opened the door and got out.  
She didn't even have enough time to look around when Jim rushed towards her with a happy bark. "Hey boy, nice to see you" and rubbed his head. Shortly thereafter Josh came into view and when he reached the two, he started immediately: "Aria, I'm so sorry because of all ..."  
"Josh, stop!" She cut him off. You don't have to apologize. "He opened his mouth again to protest, but Aria continued "No. Listen, everything is okay. I'm fine. "He looked at her bandaged hands and she added with a sigh:" Yes, I cut myself yesterday, and no, it doesn't hurt too much. Like I said, it's all right. ”  
Josh was speechless and looked at her desperately for a moment before pulling her into a bear hug until she gasped. "Sorry," he said sheepishly when he released her. "No worries" she replied and smiled at him. He smiled back and Aria asked, "Josh, do you know where Tyler is?"  
"I think he went to the concert hall already," he replied.  
"Good, then I'll see if I can find him there. When I get back I can take Jim from you if you want to. ”The drummer nodded and she made her way into the hall.  
It took her a while to find her way to the stage and was impressed that Josh and Tyler didn't get lost every time they wandered through the endless hallways of the concert halls.  
Tyler stood on the stage, still waiting for his piano to start the instrument sound check, finally. She walked around the stage and stopped at the front.  
"Tyler?" She called up to him. The latter turned in surprise and took a few seconds to locate her.  
"Hey Aria, how are you?"  
"Um, okay, could I have a few minutes of your time?"  
"Sure," he replied, sitting on the edge of the stage so that they were almost at eye level.  
"Tyler, I'm sorry I was so rude to you yesterday and I want to apologize to you." The singer smiled and waved: "It's okay. I was also a bit intrusive when I just grabbed your arm. "  
"I know you meant it well, but I'm just not used to someone caring how I'm doing. It was just a bit much yesterday. So, I'm sorry if you were worried and I will make sure that this doesn‘t happen again. "  
Tyler looked at her thoughtfully and said: "Aria, we are all people who make mistakes sometimes and who are weak. That also makes us what we are.  
Her face petrified and she murmured, "Some mistakes you make are so devastating that they will destroy you forever." Tyler wanted to say something, but Aria had already turned away.  
On the way back she came past the stage crew lounge and asked, "Hey guys, does anyone need anything?" Most oft hem shook their heads, but then she heard a familiar, slimy voice say: "Unless you‘re not back in your old job, no one needs you here.”   
Matty emerged from behind the door and grinned at her with a dirty look. She froze and looked at the other faces. She realized with horror, that most of them grinned dirty aswell or turned ashamed away. She would rather have died, than give Matty the satisfaction of showing him how much he had hurt her and so she replied: "I know your cock must be about to burst, but unfortunately you have to help yourself." The stage technician's face flushed with anger and he grumbled back:  
"If you were as incompetent as a whore like at the party, it might be better that way."  
"Wise decision, Matty. Otherwise I could possibly bite your little stump off and you know: Safety first ” She heard the others laugh and Matty's face twisted even more into an angry face. He took a step towards her and growled: "I will make sure that you will wish you were never born."   
"Oh, don't bother yourself," she replied unmoved. "Surely, you can spend your free time differently - with jerking off, for example." Laughter was heard again and Aria left the room.

"Hey Ty, did Aria find you?" Josh asked as he stepped onto the stage. " She did " the singer answered, and the drummer knew there was something in the bush. " We‘re changing the setlist, tonight ". His friend raised an eyebrow in surprise and asked, "Has anything happened between you and Aria? Sie looked a little off track when she took Jim. "  
"No, not really." After a while of silence, the singer continued: "Josh, did you actually notice that Aria surrounds an aura of deep sadness?"  
"Um, to be honest, not really. She seems rather shy and self-absorbed when it comes to her own person. "The singer nodded and Josh added:" On the other hand, she has a very caring way of dealing with others. "  
The singer nodded again, pulled out his smartphone and dialed. After a few rings, the called person answered and Tyler said, "Mark, I would ask you to arrange something ..."

"No Jim, this is not for you," Aria told him with a laugh when they were on the way to Tyler's caravan and he jumped around because he was interested in the contents of the bowl she was holding. She left Jim outside and put the bowl in Tyler's fridge. Then she stuck a post-it note on the door that said: 'Etons Mess inside' and put a smiley underneath.  
Jim whined in disappointment when she returned without the bowl. She laughed and said, "Hey Jim, do you think I would forget about you?" And reached into her hoodie jacket and pulled out a treat for him. The dog chewed on it with pleasure and then barked contentedly.  
She were halfway to their trailer when Mark came around and said, "Aria, can you bring Brad the camera filters into the hall, please? Unfortunately he forgot about it and needs it right away. ”She took the small box in surprise and asked:“ Where is he now?”  
“ You can find him on the second gallery ”.  
She became more nervous with every step. She had never been in the hall during a concert. She pulled herself together and told herself that she needed to do her job and entered the building. Fortunately, she found him immediately and handed him the camera filters. She wanted to leave when Brad held her back and said, "Wait, I only need the filters for the next two songs, then you can take them with you again." So she stopped next to him and looked down at the stage where Josh and Tyler gave everything - just like their fans. The atmosphere in the hall was pure energy and Aria was totally flabbergasted.  
"I'm holding on to you!" Tyler shouted into the microphone and the last sounds of the song were lost in frenetic applause and shouting. She heard Brad's camera and seconds later, she could have sworn Tyler was looking up at them. A subtle smile appeared on his lips for a split second and he nodded briefly to Josh before taking the mic again and said, "Since the start of this tour, we have a new crew member that Mark, Josh and I really appreciate ..." The audience cheered. "And the next song is for them". The first notes sounded and the audience raged again. "You say things with your mouth ..." Tyler started to sing and Aria stared in shock at the stage.  
This couldn't be true, he couldn't mean her. She feverishly wondered who else had been hired, but there was no one else.  
"Won't you stay alive, I'll take you on a ride, I will make you believe you are lovely"  
He looked up again and her body froze. The first fans began to realize where Tyler was looking and also looked up at the 2nd gallery.   
She felt her Panic rise and her breathing became uneven. Brad, who was still standing next to her, looked at her worriedly and asked, "Is everything okay, Aria?" She just nodded, desperate to keep control of her body. She clutched the parapet until she heard her knuckles crack. The cuts on her palms throbbed and a wet feeling told her the wounds had broken open.  
"Don't be gone, don't be gone ..." she heard Tyler singing from far away. She tried to concentrate on his voice, but when their eyes met, it was finally too much.  
Aria ran, her eyes blurring through her tears and her lungs were about to explode, but she couldn't stop. She had to get out of here, she had to. Aria paid no attention to where she was running and passed several doors until she was finally outdoors.   
The cold night air enveloped her and began to cool her overheated body down as she sank to the floor in a forgotten corner of the building. She pulled her legs up to her chest, and buried her face in her forearms. Why had Tyler done that? If he knew what a disappointment she was, if he knew how she had provided her existence a few weeks ago, he would turn away in disgust. His and Josh's fans deserved their appreciation and support, but not them. His eyes flickered again and again in her mind. It was painful to see the heart-wrenching empathy in them. Tears began to flow down her cheeks again and at some point she just felt drained and empty.  
It started to pour down, but Aria didn't care that she was drenched in minutes. Should the rain wash her away. She knew that she shouldn’t be here, a long time ago.


	8. Our brains are sick but that's okay

Josh and Tyler came out of the hall and ran as fast as they could through the rain to Tyler's trailer. "What a concert!" Mark stated, who had been waiting for them inside. "Yes, that was a really great show" Josh replied. "My personal favorite was Aria's surprise" he added, grinning.  
"Hey Josh, look what Aria put into my fridge." Tyler cheered and pulled out the bowl of Eton's mess.  
"Ahh, that's a nice suprise. Unfortunately, you didn't get anything yesterday. "  
"Yeah, thanks to your fiancee" the singer grumbled. "Josh, please do us a favor and don't invite her to our tour parties, anymore."  
The drummer made a guilty face and murmured, "I'm really sorry about yesterday."  
"Hey Jish, you don't have to be sorry. But I hope you understand that I simply cannot tolerate anyone who misbehaves so miserably. ”  
"Sure" his bandmate replied and added after a short pause: "Apropo. Where's Aria? "  
Mark shrugged and said, "She didn't come back after I sent her to the hall." Tyler and Josh exchanged worried looks and Mark added, "Brad should be here any minute now. Maybe he knows where she is. "  
The next moment the door opened and the photographer entered the caravan. " What a weather, man. You don't want to chase a dog out there. ”He looked around and asked, puzzled “What’s up?”  
"Brad, have you seen Aria?" Tyler asked.  
"No. She has gone a while ago. I thought she was with you. "  
"When exactly?"  
"Shortly before the end of 'Lovely'."  
"That was over two hours ago!"  
Tyler turned away, grabbed a raincoat, and was through the door. Josh did the same and Jim accompanied them as well.  
They first tried Aria's caravan, but it was dark and deserted. Tyler made a stressed face and Josh said, "Ty, maybe we should let Jim look for her." The singer looked at the drummer and then at the dog and said, "Jim, look for Aria." He looked at him in confusion, but then he seemed to understand and dashed off in the opposite direction. "Perhaps you should have told him to wait for us" Josh commented, and the two followed him.

A warm dog's tongue slowly took Aria out of her apathy. Jim looked at her with his warm eyes and she hugged him and buried her face in his fur. "Jim, poor thing, you’re all wet" she murmured.  
"You too" a voice said and Aria's head shot up. Josh stood in front of her and looked at her worriedly. She wanted to disapeare into the wall behind her. Josh wanted to help her to get up, but Aria ignored his outstreched Hand.  
"It is, is already good. It’s okay. ”At that moment, Tyler reached the two of them and also looked dismayed when he saw their assistant.  
"Aria, what happened? Why are you soaking wet and hiding in the loneliest corner this building has to offer? ”  
She didn't know what to answer. The exhaustion and cold paralyzed her and she had no strength to come up with an excuse. "Can we talk about it tomorrow, please?" She finally replied. "Sure" the singer replied.   
He noticed the blood-soaked bandages on her hands and added: “Let's change the bandages first and you have to get out of the wet clothes. Aria looked at him in confusion, then saw her hands and understood. "It looks worse than it is" she tried to play it down. Tyler raised an eyebrow and replied, "I'd like to see that with my proper eyes."  
"You really don't have to worry" she tried again, but Tyler looked unimpressed. Then he carefully put his arm around her shoulders and said softly "let's go".  
Aria realized, that she couldn't get out of this, and so the small group started to move. But with every step they took to get closer to Tyler's caravan, her panic increased. When they reached the door, Aria shook her head and muttered desperately, "I can't ... I just can't ..." and stormed off.  
When she got to her caravan, she locked the door and then let herself sink to the ground. When she was sure Tyler and Josh hadn't followed her, she took off her clothes and changed the bandages without examining the wounds. With her last strength she crawled into her bed and hugged the old, worn lion. When she snuggled up to him, she wished there would be no next morning.

Mark and Brad looked up expectantly when they got back into the caravan. "Did you find Aria?" Mark asked, but when he saw Tyler's frustrated expression, he immediately regretted his question. "Yes," he replied shortly and turned to Josh, who was just about to hang up the raincoats. "I don‘t understand her. Why she can't take help from us?" Before the drummer could reply something, Brad, said:" Tyler, Josh, you might be interested in that ". He was sitting in front of his laptop and looking at the pictures of the evening. The both approached him and Mark joined them as well.  
Brad called up a photo that showed Aria looking down at the audience. There was a loving expression on her face. "That was just before 'Lovely'", the photographer explained.   
Then he clicked on the next picture and they saw a completely different view. She was petrified and pure fear was reflected in her eyes. "Brad enlarge the picture,please" the singer asked him. He did so and Tyler pointed to Aria's hands. "Look at that. How she clings to the railing. "  
"I think I can even see blood," Mark murmured softly. Brad enlarged the picture again and the others saw that he was right.  
"I asked her if she‘s was okay," the photographer said, „but she just nodded her head and I left it at that, because I need to took pictures. When I turned back to her, she was gone suddenly. "  
"What happened outside?" Mark asked, who was also trying to understand the whole thing. Josh told him about it and now Mark also looked puzzled. After a while he said hesitantly, "Listen, if Aria's behavior is bothering you, I can also look for a new assistant for you."  
Tyler looked shocked at him "What?! No! Aria does her job very conscientiously and has never been rude to any of us. On the contrary. She does more than she has to do as an assistant. ”  
The singer looked at Josh and he nodded in agreement. "I'm sure she experienced something bad that made her act like this. And who are we to judge them for it! I don't want to hear such a bullshit, again Mark! ”  
"Sorry" he replied softly and looked at the floor in shame.  
"I know you made this offer out of concern for us, Mark, but I agree with Tyler," Josh said. "That maybe seems ridiculous to you, but Jim also likes her very much. And I trust him. I think animals have an unmistakable sense of what kind of person stands in front of them. He had loved her since the first time he met her, and I think he did it for a reason. I even have to confess that Jim Aria likes a lot more than Debby. ”  
"I can full agree with your dog," Tyler commented, who had pulled the Etons mess out of the fridge in the meanwhile. Josh rolled his eyes and the singer asked "Who of you wants to eat a bowl?"


	9. Holding on to you

The next morning, Aria struggled out of bed and was still unsure how to explain her yesterdays behavior to Tyler and Josh. She was about to make coffee when she suddenly heard someone playing the ukulele. It didn't take her 3 seconds to figure out what song it was.  
"I know where you stood,  
silent in the trees,  
and that's where I am,  
silent in the trees,  
why won’t you speak,  
Where I happen to be  
Silent in the trees  
Standing cowardly

I can feel your breath  
I can feel my death  
I want to know you  
I want to see  
I want to say  
Hello  
Hello"

She heard Tyler's voice sing softly. Aria looked at the clock and shook her head. It was just 6 o'clock. She carefully opened her door and saw the singer standing in front of her caravan. "Good morning, Aria," he said softly, "I hope I didn't wake you up."  
"Good morning, Tyler. No you haven‘t. Would you like a coffee?"  
"Not necessary" another familiar voice was heared. Josh appeared between the vehicles, holding a cardboard box which he balanced three cups on. Jim accompanied him, but when he saw Aria he was unstoppable and barked joyfully at her.  
"Jim Dun, how many times do I have to tell you not to run people over!" The drummer scolded half resignedly.  
A smile lit up on Aria's face and she spread her arms to greet Jim. Tyler didn‘t miss the fact that her hands were inflamed as they looked red and swollen. No doubt, she must have been in pain, but that didn't stop her from hugging Jim deeply when he reached her. "Aww, you are a good boy ... good morning ... did you sleep well, sunshine?" Aria spoke to him with a laugh, interrupted by Jims tongue, which went over her face.  
Josh had now caught up with Tyler, who was visibly amused by Jim's welcoming orgy. "Wow, you really weren't exaggerating when you said Jim love her."  
"And if I don't stop him soon, he'll eat her" the drummer countered and shouted, "Jim, it's enough. Continue and we‘ll need a new assistant because you licked Aria to death.” The male stopped and looked at his master questioningly. Then he sat in Aria's lap to demonstrate that he wasn't ready to give up his best friend.  
"I brought us coffee and some breakfast. Hope it's okay, ”the drummer now addressed Tyler and Aria. The singer raised an eyebrow as if to say that the question was more than unnecessary, but Aria smiled shyly at him and said, "Sure. Thank you Josh. ”Then she leaned over to Jim and whispered something in his ear. The dog jumped up and Aria got up and opened the door to the caravan so that they could all sit in the small dining area.  
Aria laid the table and found herself a little later in the dining area between the two men. Jim had made himself comfortable on her bed and was cuddling with the old, worn-out lion.  
After the first sip of coffee she said to Tyler "Thank you for the two songs" The singer looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and then replied with a smile "You're welcome"  
Aria knew that she couldn't get around it anymore, to explaining their yesterdays behavior, so she said, "Tyler, Josh, I'm sorry for my behavior yesterday. It was just a little too much for me. Especially when more and more of your fans realized that you dedicated the song to me and looked up at me. I ... I'm not used to so much attention and ... and it scared me. "  
She looked ashamed at the table top to avoid the disappointed looks of both. She hadn't deserved all of that anyway. She was nothing more than a disappointment for anyone who made the mistake of getting to close.  
"Aria, I'm really sorry," Tyler said into the silence. "I just wanted you to know that you‘re a really great person and that you belong to us. I wanted to say that we appreciate. You‘re not a ghost for us, Aria. "  
Her head shot up and she stared shocked at the singer. Could it be? Could it really be that he had heard her weeks ago? But nobody had been there. Tyler barely nodded, as if he knew what she was thinking.  
Aria screamed inside and wanted to drop dead. There was nothing to appreciate about her, she was nothing more than a piece of shit. If Josh and Tyler would know what she has to answer for, they would beat her to death. It took her a few moments to collect herself. "That was really very nice of you, but I'm only doing my job and if you are satisfied with my work, than that‘s enough appreciation."  
"But we wanted to say it, anyway" Josh said and gave her a megawatt grin. Aria couldn't help but grin back and countered "And you really wanted to do that in front of 9,000 fans?"  
"Yep, we wanted" replied the drummer, grinning even wider.  
She shook her head laughing and said "You both are a gem".  
The three of them sat together and talked until Mark stuck his head into the caravan and made a relieved face to find everyone in a good mood. He told them they were going to start in half an hour, so Aria was sitting next to Mark in the car a little later when they left for the next town.  
"Our fans are very interested in you" he said suddenly into the silence. Aria turned to him in surprise and didn't know what to answer.  
"I checked out some social media sites this morning and you were the top topic" he continued.  
"I hope that will calm down quickly. There is nothing interesting about me. I'm just doing my job. "  
"I do that too, and still I have encounters with fans every now and then."  
Aria's blood froze. "And ... and what do they want from you then?" She asked visibly shocked. Mark gave her an encouraging smile and replied, "Aria, you needn't to worry: most of them are really nice and praise me for my work and may want to take a picture with me. Others also ask me to express my thanks to Tyler and Josh for helping them so much with their music.“   
She smiled shyly and said“ I totally agree with their fans: Their music is really something special. ”  
Mark nodded and smiled back.


	10. I don't care what you wear

A few days later, Aria was standing in front of a shelf in a large supermarket, looking for a certain type of chips that Tyler wanted when someone suddenly spoke to her. "So ... sorry, aren't you the assistant of Twenty One Pilots?" Aria turned in surprise and saw two girls in front of her about 15 years old who were looking at her with wide eyes. Their outfit left no doubt that they would be in the audience tonight.  
"Um, yes, I am."  
"Aww, how cool!" One of the girls exclaimed, while the other just smiled. "May we ask you for something?"  
"Depends on"  
"How is it to work for Josh and Tyler?" Aria was surprised. She expected to be asked for backstage passes.  
"Josh and Tyler are great people, just like Mark and Brad and everyone else in our crew, and I really enjoy working for them."  
"I think so," replied one of the girls.  
"May we take a photo with you?"  
Aria wasn't sure if that was a good idea, but she remembered Mark's words that something like this could happen. Part of her knew only too well that the girls weren't about her as a person, but that she was just a makeshift measure that they couldn't take a picture of Josh and Tyler. And it wasn't like she wasn't used to being abused.  
"Um, okay. If you want. ”The two girls took some pictures with her. Then Aria said to them "Nice to have met you, but I really have to go on now" and said goodbye.  
Arriving at the concert hall, a grinning Josh met her with Jim "Hello Aria, I've already seen that you ran into a few of our fans" When she looked at him in surprise, he pulled out his smartphone and showed her a post on twitter. It said: 'We met Josh and Tyler's assistant today. She‘s really nice. '  
Some comments have already been found below, such as:  
,What's her name?'  
,Yeah great!'  
But from the third comment, she froze.  
'Why is she wearing worn-out clothes? Isn't she paid? ’  
'She'll get the band Merch for free'  
'So if I were her assistant, I would dress better'  
She looked away and Josh immediately noticed that something was wrong and scanned the comments briefly. Then he looked at her sympathetically and said, "Hey, don't worry about it. It‘s not the packaging that matters, but the content. You could wear a burlap sack and I would still appreciate you as much as I do now. "  
"Thanks, Josh," she replied softly. Jim barked for confirmation and Aria stroked his head and added, "That's the beauty of animals: they accept you the way you are without judging you.  
I think we both know that people like you and Tyler are rare. ”  
The drummer sighed and nodded. Aria gave him the snacks he and Tyler had asked for and took Jim into their trailer. While the male had made himself comfortable on her bed again, she started to do the billing for this month.

"Hey Ty, a few more oreo's before the show?" Asked the drummer as he entered Tyler's locker room. "No, thank you," he replied absently as he scrolled through Twitter.  
"Have you seen Aria meet some fans today?"  
" I do have."  
Josh could feel Tyler's tension, but before he could ask, the singer said, "Did you read the comments?"  
"Yes, some, but not all"  
"Did Aria see that?" Tyler asked.  
"Yes, she has"  
"How did she react?"  
"The comments on her clothes hurt her. But I immediately told her that we appreciate her no matter what clothes she wears. "  
"Hm, you did well."

After the concert, Tyler and Brad looked at the photos of today's concert when Mark entered the caravan and asked "Um, Ty do you have some time, I wanted to show you something"   
"Sure" the singer replied and Mark opened a file on his laptop and explained, "These are the accounts Aria sends to John. Do you notice anything there? ”  
The singer stared at the list and said after a while,“ Sorry, but I don't know what you're getting at. ”  
"Each of us has a in billing position. So the expenses that are payed with the tour credit card can be tracked. ”  
He pointed to different numbers and Tyler nodded. I find each of us on it, except for two positions: Aria and the errands that she did for you and Josh. ”  
The singer looked at him in amazement and replied,“ Are you saying that since the beginning of the tour she haven‘t settled anything for herself ?“  
"Exactly" Mark replied, adding, "Your snack orders didn't appear on the bills either." Tyler's jaw dropped even deeper and he asked, "Do you mean that she's been paying for our snacks for 4 months?"  
"According to the accounts, yes. There are also no deviations on the credit card. Everything is correct down to the last cent. "  
"Why did she do that?"  
"Well, you have to ask her that, yourself."


	11. Tonight I need you to stay

The next day, Aria knocked on Josh's door because she needed some signatures. He called "in," but when she stepped into the trailer, she found him on the couch, his face contorted with pain. She dropped the documents on the dining table and was immediately at his side. "Josh, what happened?"  
"I slipped on Jim's dog chew bone and fell. I probably pulled a muscle on my back. ”  
"Can you show me where it hurts?"  
He pointed towards the middle of the back. "Is it okay if I lift your shirt up?" Aria asked and the drummer nodded. She lifted it carefully and was relieved not to find any bruise there. "No bruise, that's good", she informed him and asked then: "Can you get up?"  
"Think so" he replied, rising carefully. Aria tried to support him as best as she could. "What are you going to do?" Asked the drummer as she leaded him towards the bedroom. "Help you, if you let me."   
"Okay," he replied, curious what his assistant was going to do.  
She let him sit carefully on his bed and helped him take off his shirt.  
"Can you lie on your stomach?"  
"Think so," he replied and slowly lay down. She covered him with a light blanket and knelt down so Josh could look her in the face comfortably. Then she explained, "Well, I have this in mind:" I'm going to heat some stones and put them on your back, wrapped in a towel. When your muscles are warm and soft enough, I would try to massage the strain away if you allow me to do so. "Josh smiled at her and replied" Sure I allow it. I trust you. I know you wouldn‘t harm me. "  
" I never would, Josh "she gave back and went to get the stones.  
The stones and massage did work, and Josh relaxed so much that he fell asleep. Aria covered him with a blanket carefully, and whispered to Jim, who was lying on the bed next to his master. "Keep Jishwa safe and warm, okay?" The dog whined softly in response and Aria left. She didn't see Josh's smile, who had heard her little conversation with Jim half asleep.

When Tyler entered Josh's trailer some hours later, his friend was sitting at the dining table, with a steaming cup of coffee in his hands, yawning.  
"Hey, sleepyhead, you know we have a sound check in half an hour?"  
Josh looked at him innocently and yawned again. Tyler sat down at the table and pulled two Red Bull cans out of his jacket pocket. He added one to Josh's coffee while opening the other and taking a sip. "Jish, I wanted to talk to you about something," the singer began, but his friend interrupted him and replied, "That‘s good: me too."

They were just finished talking when there was a knock on the trailer door. "Come in" Josh said and Aria stuck her head through the door and when she saw Tyler she asked "Am I inconvenient?"  
"No, you'll never be inconvenient," the drummer replied, smiling at her. Tyler also waved her in with a smile.   
"How are you, Josh?"  
"Much, much better. Thanks again."  
"I would take Jim with me now, if you like," Aria changed the subject and the male jumped off the couch and joined her.  
"It's okay" Josh replied, adding with a grin, "By the way, he kept me safe and warm."  
Aria turned bright red and stammered "That, ... that is good to hear... I am glad, it worked. Then, ... see you later ”and hurried to get out of the caravan.

"Did I miss anything?" Tyler asked when Aria was through the door. "Not really" Josh said, still grinning. The singer raised an eyebrow and said "You should see how you look at Aria" and started grinning too. The drummer looked at him in surprise and asked "What do you mean?"  
Tyler pulled his cell phone out and showed his friend a photo he'd made secretly a few minutes ago. It was a picture of him and the way he was looking left little room for speculations.   
"Oh" the drummer replied and looked at his friend helplessly. "That, .. only looks like that"  
"Of course" the singer returned and added "Come on Jish, we have to do the sound check.

After giving Jim back to Josh, she wandered around aimlessly in the adjacent park of the concert hall. Josh had to think that she really was a disgusting person after hearing what she said to Jim.  
Why she hadn't just shut her stupid mouth? After a while she sat down wearily under a tree. It was a cloudless night, the full moon was bathing the scenery in a pale light. The leaves of the trees rustled softly in the wind and Aria closed her eyes.

She hadn't noticed that she had fallen asleep, she hadn't noticed that her body was getting colder and colder and her sleep was becoming unconsciousness. Nor did she notice that she was picked up by two strong arms and carried back to the concert hall.  
The first thing she noticed was soft, warm fur. She put her arm around it, assuming she was cuddling up to the stuffed lion, but seconds later she opened her eyes horrified, cause she felt a heartbeat. "What ?!"   
Jim lay next to her and gently licked her face when he saw that she had recognized him. "Jim, what ..." she started, but then the memory came back and she sat up in a panic. Aria looked around and realized with horror that she wasn‘t in her trailer. She was at Josh's, in HIS bed! Aria literally shot out of the bed but didn‘t came far, when her legs buckled and everything went black.  
She didn't know how long she had been passed out, but when she slowly regained consciousness she found herself back in bed with Josh sitting on the edge.  
Even though he smiled at her, she could see the tiredness on his face. It made her drown in a sea of guilt and she had trouble holding back her tears. Why was she so incapable and nothing more than a burden for everyone?  
"I'm sorry that I‘m causing you such inconvience" He looked at her in astonishment and replied "Shh, you don't. What happened in the park, Aria? "  
"I ... I honestly can't really tell you. I walked around for a while to clear my head and eventually sat under a tree. The last thing I can remember is the moon. "  
"I'm definitely glad I found you. I carried you back from the park last night and I had the impression that the wind would blow you out of my arms any minute now. You were passed out and very hypothermic. That could have ended badly for you. "  
Aria's jaw dropped. "You, .. you searched for me and carried me back!? Oh god, why? "  
Now it was Joshs jaw which dropped. "We were all looking for you. Tyler, Mark, Brad and me.  
Aria, I understand that you have great difficulties accepting that someone appreciates you and likes you. But what I don't understand is why you think so little about yourself. "  
"You don't have to understand that, Josh. But I assure you, it has absolute legitimate reasons. "  
The drummer sighed, "Okay, but hopefully you know you can talk to me or Tyler, anytime." Aria nodded silently and knew at the same time that she would never take advantage of this offer. Now all she had to do was to find a way to get into her caravan without bothering Josh.  
"Um, I would take a shower and then we could have breakfast", the drummer broke the silence and left the sleeping area with a towel and some clothes.


	12. When we all fall asleep, where do we go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Nightmares and Selfharm. Read with care.

As soon as Aria heard the sound of running water, she got out of bed and was relieved that her circulation had stabilized. She crept into the kitchen and started making breakfast for Josh. She was just about to put everything on a plate when the drummer came out of the shower. His hair was still wet and water was dripping on his hoodie. Aria couldn't help but grin and said with a smile "Some things never get old, what?" And pointed to his dripping hair.  
Josh grinned back and replied "Tradition is tradition"   
"Okay" his assistant returned and put the plate and a cup of coffee on the dining table.  
He was about to ask something when the trailer door opened and Debby whirled in. Her smile froze when she saw Aria "What are you doing here?"  
"I, I ..." Aria started, but Debby cut her off, "Why are you wearing Josh's clothes, bitch ?!" She looked down at herself in surprise and was horrified to find out, that she really was wearing Josh's crew hoodie and a Nike leggings. Cold panic was running through her veins. Josh must have seen all of her scars. Each of them an ugly reminder of their failure, their worthless existence.  
Debby pushed Aria hard against the wall and showered her with the worst verbal abuse. Then she hit her in the face. Before she could hit her again, Josh grabbed her arm and stopped her. He whirled Debby around and yelled at her "Are you totally insane?! What do you think of hitting Aria? "  
"Why is this piece of shit wearing your clothes, huh?!"  
"That’s a harmless reason," her fiance tried to explain and added angrily, "and stop insulting her"  
Aria managed to get out of Debbie's reach, and murmured, "I'll go then. I'll bring your clothes washed back again. Thank you for everything, Josh. "  
"Piss off! And don't you dare to borrow from Josh again. He is my fiance! He belongs to me! ”Debby reigned at her.   
"Debby it’s enough! Stop it! ”she heard Josh scream. Then the trailer door slammed shut and she started for her trailer with trembling knees and Jim by her side.  
Once inside her trailer, she immediately took off Josh's clothes and put them in the washing machine.  
Jim watched her with interest as she changed in somes worn out sweatpants and finished her outfit with a washed out sweatshirt. "Hey Jim, you probably haven't had breakfast yet, have you?" She got a bark in response and filled Jim's bowl with his dog food.

When it was time to head to the next town, Aria was heading for Mark's car. She opened the sidecar door and got in while Jim made himself comfortable in the back seat. A short time later Mark also got in and said "Good morning Aria, I hope you are better again"  
"Good Morning. Yeah, I’m fine. I'm sorry about all the circumstances I've caused” she murmured, not daring to look at Mark.  
"Josh told Tyler and me about Debby's attack this morning" he began, and Aria turned to him in shock. Mark got big eyes and murmured "Wow, I didn't think it was so bad"  
" What do you mean? she asked confused.  
Do you didn't notice that Debby had beaten you a black eye ?! ”She lowered the mirror on the sun visor and gasped briefly. She hadn’t just a black eye, but a bruise on her jaw and a cracked lip. "Shit" she murmured. " I did not notice at all. I ... I'll buy some make up as soon as we're in the next town. I have a few wish lists that I have to work through, anyway. ”  
Mark stared at her with his mouth open and asked, "Doesn't it hurt?" "High pain tolerance," Aria replied shortly and then fell silent.  
The journey to the next city was quiet. When they got there, Aria immediately set off with a beanie on her head and sunglasses on her face, to do the rest of the errands.

She was standing in a supermarket's customer toilet and was forced to look at her face in the mirror when she made her black eye and bruise disappear behind a thick layer of make up. She tried to stifle her tremors as memories rose up, reminding her how often she had been in the same situation.  
The tinted labello managed to cover the cracked lip, so that only the swelling was visible.  
Sighing as she washed her hands, aware that she had done her best to look kinda normal, again. Then she made her way back to the concert hall.  
She didn't want to meet Debby or Josh, so she handed Jim over to Mark after the concert.  
A cold wind blew in her face when she was on the way to her trailer and a well-known weight lay on her shoulders. She felt a dark storm rise in her and knew it meant no good.  
As she lay in bed and closed her eyes, she surrendered to whatever was waiting for her in the dark corners of her mind, because she knew she had no chance to escape.

... There was blood everywhere….   
the sound of crunching metal seemed to deafen her ears…   
the cracking of broken bones in the desperate attempt to function…   
cries born out of madness that faded to a whimper to drown finally in blood and darkness ......

Aria woke up from the nightmare, struggling to control her breathing. Something sticky covered her hands and there was an intense smell of copper in the air. She switched on the lamp to see how much damage it was this time. Her two forearms were covered with deep cuts and her bedding was completely ruined by the blood. She knew that if she didn't treat the wounds soon, she would become serious problems. So she hurried to hide this new chapter of her failure under bandages.

She had just finished changing her bedding and was sitting in her little dining area with a cup of coffee when there was a knock on the door. "Come in," she said tiredly, and the next moment Tyler stuck his head through the door and asked "Good morning Aria, can I come in?"  
"Good morning Tyler, of course" she replied, trying to mobilize her last strength to create the impression of being normal. "Would you like some coffee?"  
"Yes, please."  
Aria got up and poured him coffee while the singer took a seat in the dining area. He watched her in silence and could see what Debby had done to her despite the make-up. When she put the cup down in front of him, he asked softly "How are you, Aria" and tore her out of her thoughts. She looked at the singer in surprise and replied, "I'm okay. I had just a bad night. "  
"Nightmares?"  
"Yes" she replied.  
The singer nodded with a knowing expression on his face "Don't get caught by the monsters."  
His comment was so close to the truth in a tragically way, that Aria couldn't help but laugh softly. Tyler looked at her questioningly and she just replied "Too late"  
"But you know that there is always hope to escape them, don't you?" He replied with a serious expression.  
Aria didn't answer. Hope was something that left her life a long time ago.  
"Aria?" Tyler asked, but she just shrugged. He sighed and added „The only thing that separated the darkness from the light, are the few hours of the night“   
"That's right," she replied sadly, "but these hours are the longest"  
"Aria, you‘re not alone. You can talk to me or Josh at any time. "  
"I know" she replied, and made no move to accept the offer.  
The singer sighed again and took a sip of his coffee.

"How can I help you?" His assistant asked after a while and Tyler looked at her in confusion.  
"Well you came here for a reason, right?"  
"Yes, of course," he replied and continued, "I wanted to ask you if you would like to accompany me for a trip into town to find a gift for Jenna. I know that you have two days off like the rest of us, and you don't have to be available for me, but I would be happy, if you would still come with me. "  
Aria was speechless. She hadn't expected anything like that.  
"Um okay, but I don't think I can really help you. I don't know Jenna so well as Josh or Mark. "  
" But that's exactly what I see as an advantage, "explained Tyler.  
"If you think so, but if Jenna gets upset, because she thinks the gift is terrible, send her to me so she can beat up the right person"  
"Jenna isn‘t Debby," Tyler replied and immediately regretted his words, but his assistant replied, "I know. It would just be a change to get beaten up by her ” and grinned.  
He looked at her with his mouth open before he caught himself again and said "Wow, that's what I call black humor."  
"Yes, it's as black as my soul"  
"I don't think so," Tyler replied, but got no answer and when they had finished their coffee, they made their way into town.


	13. Why won't you speak?

In a shop, Aria discovered a jewelry set made of light blue and white Swarovski crystals in the shape of snowflakes. She showed it to him and asked, "What do you mean? The set would look great with the blue of her eyes. ”  
The singer smiled and agreed with her. A short time later the two of them left the shop with the jewelry set and he asked "Would you like to buy something?", but Aria shook her head. "Well, then we could have some food somewhere," he suggested and his assistant followed him into the next restaurant that Tyler agreed to. They sit down in a quiet corner and he asked "What do you want to eat? I invite you."  
"You don't have to, Ty. I can pay myself"  
"But I want to."  
Aria was too exhausted to continue arguing with him. Her wounds were a throbbing pain and she wanted to get it all over with.  
"OK. A Coke ."  
Tyler raised an eyebrow and asked "and?"  
She knew exactly what he was getting at, so she reached for the menu and scanned it for the cheapest food. A moment later she replied "tomato soup". Tyler sighed and said, "Aria, you really would make me happy if you had something more sumptuous than tomato soup."  
"It's rich enough for me Tyler" she replied, standing up. "If you would excuse me, I need to use the restroom" and walked away towards the toilets.  
After Tyler ordered, he took the opportunity to call Josh. "Hey drummer boy, did everything work out?"  
"Of course" he got to answer and could see literally Josh's grin through the phone.  
"That's very good" he replied, grinning back. "Would you like to join us?"  
"Sure, where are you right now?" Tyler told him the restaurant and the name of the mall.  
"Okay, I'll be with you in 15" replied his friend, and ends the call.

Aria knew that she couldn't stay in the toilet cubicle forever. Her body trembled with exhaustion and she felt feverish. "Not now," she said softly to herself. Then she went to the sink and splashed cold water on her face.  
When she came back to the table, there was not only her tomato soup and cola, but also a burger with fries and vegetables. She looked sharply at Tyler, who smiled innocently, and she was about to say something when a voice came before her. "Oh there you are" She looked up in surprise and saw Josh walking up to their table. He hugged Tyler and her briefly and said then, "You have already ordered?"  
"Yeah, I hope the burger is okay with you, Josh," Aria replied, pushing the plate over to him while smiling innocently at Tyler. "Tyler was so kind to order something for you so you didn't have to wait."  
"Thank you," the drummer said enthusiastically and sat next to Aria.  
She could see that the singer was far from thrilled, but she didn't care. She hadn't deserved any of it, and after all Josh had been happy, so Tyler's good deed hadn't been in vain.  
When the singer left the table after the meal to go to the toilet, Josh turned to her assistant and said, "Aria, I'm really terribly sorry for the incident with Debby. I don't know what got into her."  
"I do" she replied wearily. "She was furious with jealousy."  
"But that's no reason to attack you like that."  
"Josh, that doesn't work out of logic."  
"To me, that almost sounds like you apologize for her behavior."  
“Aria shrugged and just didn't feel like talking about the incident anymore. When Josh realized that she didn't want to say anything else, he added quietly. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop her in time and let her hit you"  
"It's good Josh, I know you've done your best," she replied while she stared at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

When Tyler returned, they made their way back. She was dead tired and weary from her aching arms and just wanted to fall into a dreamless sleep. But when she stepped into her trailer, she was wide awake again.  
On the table was a huge gift basket with all sorts of sweets, fruit and salty snacks. Next to it was a large bouquet of flowers with a card in it. She stared at the things as if they were some kind of Fata Morgana. Then she pulled out the card and read 

“Dear Aria, thank you for sponsoring our snacks. Now it's our turn. Tyler and Josh “  
When she put the card back in the bouquet, her eyes fell on a flat packet. She opened it carefully and a black sweatshirt with the imprint "Jims best fren" appeared. Of course, she knew what that alluded to. It was definitely too much for her and she started to cry. At some point she sank exhausted to the ground and without realizing it, she fell asleep on the hard floor of the trailer.

"Did Aria contact you?" Tyler asked his friend in the late afternoon. "No" was the answer. Josh also became increasingly restless. "I'll go for a lap with Jim in half an hour and I'll check on her on the way back," he promised the singer, who nodded and then continued brooding.

Josh noticed that Jim got more restless the closer they got to Aria's trailer. Jim stopped at the door and started to whimper as he scratched his paw at the door.

Aria heard the whimper and was struggling to break free from the leaden darkness she was in.  
She was able to get up just in time before the two entered the caravan.  
"Aria, are you okay?" Josh asked, looking at her worriedly.  
"Yes," she replied, and they both knew it was a lie. The trembling of her hands was obvious when she stroked Jim's head.  
The drummer sighed and said softly, "Dear, it's more than obvious that you're not feeling well. You tremble like an aspen leave and you are pale like a ghost”  
"I'm okay" she replied, trying desperately not to lose her nerves in his presence. "You ... you don't need to worry."  
"But Aria ..." he started, but she cut him short "Josh, be so good and go, please "   
He looked at her stunned, but did not want to give up yet and replied "Aria, you don‘t have to suffer alone, you can always talk to me or Tyler. "  
"I have nothing to say, Josh," she replied.  
Her trembling voice told the drummer that the truth was certainly different, but when he saw tears sparkling in her eyes, he decided not to push her any further. "As you mean," he said softly, "my door is always open for you."  
Then he waved to Jim, who reluctantly broke away from Aria and accompanied his master outside.


	14. Look in the mirror and ask your soul if you alright

"What did Aria say?" Tyler asked when Josh entered the trailer. But when he saw his friend's depressed face, he raised an eyebrow and said, "Has something happened, Jish?"  
The drummer sighed and replied, "Aria is not doing well. She trembled all over and was pale as the wall. When I wanted to help her, she asked me to leave her caravan. "  
"Oh ..." the singer replied, thinking. Josh took a coffee and sat at the table with Tyler.  
"I think she didn't want you to see her when she feels weak"  
"But, that's unnecessary! My God, everyone needs a hug and some nice words once in a while ”  
"That's right, but I think she thinks she didn't deserve it"  
Josh opened his mouth and wanted to say something, but then he couldn't think of anything to invalidate Tylers words, and grumbled in frustration.  
"No offense, but when you looked after her the other day, Debby made her regret it. Maybe Aria also wants to make sure that something like this doesn't happen again. "

"Don't you think I would give anything to undo this incident?! I ... I never thought Debby was capable of that. Also same about the incident at the party ... I seriously wonder if I ever really knew Debby and I have been thinking about canceling the wedding for a long time. "  
" To be honest, you should," Tyler said. „I noticed a while ago that she has become more bossy about you. And the thing with Aria has overstepped the mark, in my eyes. "  
The drummer nodded silently and after a while he said "I think I have to make a few calls."  
"Okay," Tyler said, standing up. "You know where to find me" His friend nodded and the singer left him alone.

The call to Debby had been tough, but Josh was glad he took that step. In order to calm down a bit, he decided to take a walk with Jim again. The drummer was so in thoughts that he didn't even noticed that his dog had led him to Aria's caravan.  
"What?" He asked in surprise, but then he heard soft sobs from inside the trailer. Worried, he quietly opened the door, which was not locked, and whispered, "Aria, are you okay?" But he didn't get an answer and the sobs didn't stop, so he carefully approached the bed and realized that she was crying in her sleep. She lay curled up into a ball and trembled as she clawed at the old battered lion as if her life depended on it.  
Josh's heart broke at the sight. He wondered how many nights Aria had spent like this. Following an impulse, he carefully lay down on the bed next to her and gave her a gentle hug. Slowly he took her hand and began to lightly brush the back of her hand with his thumb. After a while, her iron grip loosened around the cuddly toy, and the sobs became quieter until it stopped. Josh actually wanted to go back to his trailer, but Aria's body heat and her now calm breathing, had let him fall asleep.

It was a heartbeat again that Aria slowly woke from a feeling of warmth and security. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes and saw bright colors that merged into a tree tattoo after a few seconds. Her tired brain needed some time to fully understand the situation.  
Aria froze. Her head was resting on Josh's chest, the warmth she felt was his, and his right arm held her gently and safely.  
'How the hell, this had happened?!' she wondered as she slowly pulled away from him and carefully got out of bed.  
Jim came up to her, wagging tail joyfully, and she made him understand not to make a sound. Aria grabbed some clothes and quickly changed into the bathroom. When she came out she glanced uncertainly at Josh, who was still sleeping peacefully in her bed. She completed her outfit with shoes, scarf, beanie and gloves as she bent down to Jim and whispered "Come on boy, let's get breakfast for your master"

Josh woke up alone in Aria's bed and it took him a while to remember what had happened last night. He looked around for her, but the trailer was empty and Jim wasn't there either. "Shit, she has to think I took advantage of the situation," he grumbled and stood up.  
The next moment the door to the caravan opened and Jim trotted into the trailer "Shhh Jim, maybe Jishwa is still sleeping" she whispered and the next moment she did see the drummer standing by the table. She froze and blushed and was about to mumble an apology, but the drummer was faster and said "Good morning, Aria I ... I hope you're not mad at me or anything ..." but then his voice failed and he looked at her desperately. She raised an eyebrow in surprise and replied: "Good morning Josh, no, I'm not mad - confused, but not mad. She saw him relax and added "Jim and I got breakfast and if you want we can eat together and you can tell me what actually happened"  
The drummer nodded shyly and sat down in the dining area while Aria set the table and gave Jim his food before she sat down, took a sip of coffee and asked, "So Josh, how did it come, that I woke up next to you in my bed this morning?"  
He blushed slightly and told her what had made him lie down in bed next to her.  
"I ... I actually wanted to get up and get back into my trailer, after you calmed down, but ... it was so cozy next to you and I fell asleep, somehow. I'm so sorry. I hope you don't think I'm just a lech. ” He had started to stare ashamed at the table and looked up in surprise when he heard a Aria laugh. "God Josh, that's pretty much the very last thing I‘m thinking of you!" she replied and continued, "You, Tyler, Mark and Brad, you are the most decent people I've met in a very long time."  
He sighed in relief and smiled. Arias's smile died, however, and she said softly: "On the contrary: I'm sorry Josh."  
"You don't have to be sorry, Aria," he replied and then asked carefully: "Do you have these nightmares more often?"  
She knew Josh had the right to know the truth after helping her so selflessly.  
"Yes, I have" she replied.  
He looked at her sympathetically and asked. "Um Aria, is that the reason, why your arms are bandaged?" Josh was aware that he was on very thin ice, but he just wanted to be sure and hoped that Aria trusted him enough to answer him and wasn’t going to kick him out of the caravan.  
He could literally see her inner struggle before she replied softly: "Yes .... Sometimes the nightmares are so violent that I hurt myself in my sleep." She stared at the ground, expecting Josh to rise and left her trailer in disgust, but instead he moved closer to her and hugged her tightly. "Oh Aria, I'm so sorry," he said softly and hugged her a little tighter. Tyler's words came back to his mind '... I'm sure she had experienced something bad ...' and was impressed, how true his words were, back then. He slowly broke away from her and wanted to say something else, but there was a knock on the door and Tyler stuck his head through the door and called "Jenn, I found them!" Then he looked at the two and said "Good morning, may we come in?"  
"Sure," replied Aria, who still looked a bit battered. "Do you want a coffee?" Both nodded and also took a seat in the dining area while Aria poured them their cups.  
After Aria had taken a seat again, Jenna said, "Ty and I wanted to visit a park today that is said to be very beautiful and wanted to ask if you would like to come with us."  
"Sounds good" Josh said. "What do you think, Aria?" She looked around uncertainly and hesitated.   
"Dear, you‘re thinking too much," the drummer said softly and gave her an encouraging smile.   
"Are you sure ... that you want me with you?" She asked insecure and immediately got a triple "yes" as an answer. She winced and Josh put his arm reassuringly on her shoulder and said with a grin "You‘re a part of the gang baby, and the four of us can do a lot of nonsense."  
"I haven't been part of anything for a long time," Aria commented, but then began to grin as well and added "But if I have a soft spot for something, then it‘s nonsense"  
"By the way, we make nonsense for six. Brad and Mark are coming too” Tyler replied. "Then it gets epic" Josh commented with a megawatt grin and they set off.


	15. I will be saved for one whole day, until the sun makes the hills its grave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: for rape. It's non-completed, but it's there. Read at your own risk.

Despite the sun, this November day remained cold, but that didn't stop them from pranking. First they chased Jim back and forth across the meadow with ball games, but then decided to chase each other across the glittering grass. Brad chased Tyler while Marc was after Jenna. Aria looked at Josh with a grin and said, "Well then, catch me if you can, drummer boy" and was up and away. She was fast and pounded like a rabbit, but it didn't last long as Josh uses his marathon experience and caught hold of her. Before she knew it, he threw her over his shoulder and and said, laughing “I have you. Now you are mine "  
"Oh no my dear, Debby is yours," she countered.  
"No more" she heard him say and froze.  
"What ?!" she slid from his shoulder to the ground to look him in the eye.  
"What do you mean, Josh?" She asked him again.  
"Debby has changed so badly lately, that after thinking about it for a long time, I decided to break the engagement and cancel the wedding." She stared at him stunned and he continued, "When I told her my decision yesterday on the phone, she freaked out and ended our relationship, immediately. "  
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Josh," she said, but then she turned pale like the wall and stammered, "That ... that's my fault, isn't it? Because, .. because ...” but then her voice failed and she burst into tears.  
"Aria, it's not your fault!" The drummer contradicted her, but he could see in her eyes that her thoughts were somewhere else. She turned and wanted to go, but he held her back. "It's not your fault! On the contrary. Debbie's terrible way of dealing with you showed me this disgusting side of her just in time. I could never be with someone who treats others like this - let alone marry someone like that ”  
She looked at him lost and whispered, "I .. I'm used to this kind of behavior towards me ... it's not really something new." Josh looked at her dismayed and wanted to say something but she was faster and asked "But she was kind to you, wasn't she? "  
"To be honest, I've only felt like an accessory to brag with lately, and no longer like a person."  
Tears ran down Aria's cheeks silently when she replied, "I always thought 'at least she's treating Josh well'. God, what an idiot I was. I'm so sorry, Jishwa ”and she started to cry even more.  
It suddenly occurred to him that Aria was crying for his sake and he pulled her into an embrace.  
"Hey dear, don't cry, it's all right now, okay?"  
"Josh no, I'm ruining your jacket with my schnodder" she tried to protest but he replied with a grin "It doesn't matter. I'm into Schnodder, you know" This confession was so absurd that Aria burst out laughing. Josh also started to laugh and added, “And I like it when you call me Jishwa. She turned bright red and replied with a shy smile "Your wish is my command"  
"Is everything okay with you?" Tyler asked, who had approached them. He could see Aria was crying, but both assured him that everything was fine.  
After returning from the park, Jenna invited everyone into Tyler's trailer to a cake she had baked.  
"I'm coming a little later," Aria said to her, "I have to do something for the technical crew quickly " and detached from the group.

She entered the concert hall's engineering room and started looking for the part the boys wanted to replace. Since she was standing with her back to the door, she did not notice that someone else was entering the room.  
"Well, who have we got there?" She heard a slimy voice say and turned in surprise before Matty grabbed her by the neck and pressed her against the wall. "Now you will pay for your insolence, you filthy bitch!" He growled and began to tug on her top. She started to thrash around but he just squeezed her throat even more. Although her senses began to fade, she tried to push him away. He punched her in the face and she heard a crack. An explosion of pain followed that almost made her faint. Matty tripped her up and she hit hard on the floor. When Aria heard him open his pants, she just wanted to vomit and he growled "Let's see if you can deal with my cock, you miserable piece of shit".  
He sat on top of her and started tugging on her pants when she heard someone shouting "You perverted pig!" from far away and the weight on her body disappeared seconds later. As much as she tried to stay conscious, the darkness swept her away.

Where are Mark and Aria staying?" Jenna asked, looking into two equally helpless faces. But then suddenly they heard several sirens coming closer and closer. They stepped outside anxiously and could see Mark instructing an ambulance and a police car. They were immediately at his side, asking "Mark, what happened?"  
"Matty tried to rape Aria" Everyone stared at him stunned. Josh first regained himself, clenched his fists and growled, "I'm going to kill this pig!" And wanted to dash off, but Mark held him back and replied, "I’ve beaten the shit out of him already, so I assure you, that you can't do even more damage to him, Josh."  
Moments later, Matty was led out off the hall handcuffed, by two police officers. He had received a lot of blows from Mark and growled "You are such idiots! She's nothing more than a dirty whore, I know it! ”Now Tyler had to help Mark to hold back the drummer until the police car drove off of the yard. Shortly afterwards the paramedics came out of the hall with Aria on a stretcher. The three were shocked to see, how badly Matty had beaten her up and Jenna started to cry while Josh was walking next tot he stretcher and tried to talk to Aria, who was still passed out.  
Tyler hugged Jenna while Josh entered the ambulance.  
“Keep us updated“ Mark called after him before the ambulance doors closed and start their way to the hospital.

The first thing Aria noticed when she woke up from the unconsciousness was the pungent smell of disinfectant and a heaviness on her chest. She slowly opened her eyes and tried to look around in the strange, dim room. Then she caught sight of a mess of dark brown hair and Josh's face, who was holding her hand even in his sleep. Arias Confusion turned into icy horror as the memories of the incident came back and she gasped for air and tears shot into her eyes. As much as she tried not to make a sound, she couldn't help shaking and Josh started to stir.  
At the same moment the door opened and bright light filled the room that dazzled Aria and Josh finally woke up.  
"Mrs. Rosefield, you're in St. Anna Hospital, ”she heard a female voice trying to blink against the harsch light.  
"And you should drive home Mr. Dun"  
"But ..." the drummer started to protest but Aria gently squeezed his hand. He turned to her and she could see how upset he was. "Jishwa, it's okay. Thank you for being here with me, but you really should rest now. "  
"Your friend is right. It'll be enough if you are come back tomorrow morning, ” the nurse added, and Josh reluctantly obeyed. He hugged Aria carefully and she whispered "Thank you again"  
"Always," he replied, adding, "Incidentally, Mark beat the shit out of Matty before the police took him away." Aria's eyes widened, "So Mark kept him from ... that ..." then her voice failed and she started to gasp. Her throat closed up and she found herself in a gigantic panic attack.  
"This wasn't a good idea. Mr. Dun. It's better you go now”commented the nurse before pushing him aside and starting to take care of Aria.  
Josh left the room with his head hanging while the nurse gave Aria a sedative so she could sleep. 'This wasn't a good idea either', Aria thought before the medication knocked her out.


	16. If I could start again

When Josh stepped through the exit, his cell phone rang and he expected to see Tyler's or Mark's name, but Debbie's name flashed instead. He didn't really want to talk to her, but he knew it was better to get it over with.  
An hour later he knocked on Tyler's trailer and Jenna asked him in.  
"How's Aria?" Tyler asked.  
"She had a panic attack because of me" Josh said in frustration, telling them about the whole thing.  
"Yes, it wasn't a good timing indeed" Tyler had to admit. "We all can visit Aria tomorrow" Jenna suggested and patted the drummer on the shoulder encouragingly.

"By the way, Debby and I are good, again" he changed the subject. The smile instantly disappeared from their faces. "Do you really think that was a good decision, Josh?" asked his friend. "She has promised me, that she will never make a spectacle out of herself, again. She also wants to apologize to Aria” the drummer tried to justify his decision."   
So? She has?!" Tyler replied sarcastically. "Did she promise you to treat you lovingly as you deserve and not like a Louis Vuitton suitcase ?!"  
"Tyler please! I only ask you to accept that I give her a second chance. And I would be happy if you could bring yourself to do the ame."   
The singer growled in frustration and replied" Okay, but I only do this for you, Josh "  
"Thank you, man," he replied cheerfully and left the caravan shortly afterwards to pick up Jim from Mark.  
Tyler turned to Jenna and said, "I don't trust Debby, Jen. I can't get rid of the feeling somehow, that there is something in the bush.”  
His wife gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek and replied,“ I don't feel good about it either, but we have to accept Josh's decision.”  
The singer sighed and replied "Yes, we have to."

When they wanted to set off to the hospital the next morning, Josh was nowhere to be found, so they left without him. They had just driven off the concert hall grounds when they saw a black-clad figure walking along the roadside. She had wrapped her arms around her body to protect herself from the icy wind.  
"I can’t believe it!" Jenna said stunned "That‘s Aria!"  
Tyler immediately pulled over and her assistant took a jump away from the car and needed some seconds til she recognized them. Jenna got out and asked "For heaven's sake, Aria, what are you doing here all by yourself and without a coat?"  
"Um, I'm coming to work?" She muttered while the blonde put a blanket around her shoulders and put her in the car.  
Tyler turned and said, "You're not going to work for the next few days, dear. How is it that the doctors let you go? "  
" They didn't " she admitted. "I left at my own risk"  
Tyler stopped the car in front of his trailer. "So why don't you call someone to pick you up?"  
"I ... I didn't want to be a burden to anyone."   
The singer ran a hand over his face and grumbled, "I'd better not say anything about that now."   
Then he just got out and disappeared into the caravan in frustration.  
"Sorry Jenna" Aria said, close to tears. "I didn't want to upset him"  
"I know. He's only really worried about you because he appreciates you as much as we all do.“  
She nodded silently and looked down. "I'm also sure that you're not the main reason why Tyler is so frustrated right now.  
Aria looked up worriedly and asked "Why? What happened?"  
"Josh came over yesterday to tell us how you are and then mentioned that he’s good with Debby, again. Needless to say, that Tyler and I were not very happy about this news.”  
Aria's jaw dropped. She tried to ignore the stabbing pain in her chest and said "O-Okay".   
Then she turned away and opened the car door. She walked slowly to her caravan but Jenna caught up with her and she said "Hey, I'm really sorry. I know you like Josh… ”Aria turned so quickly that the blonde flinched suprised.  
"It doesn't matter if I like Josh. I am not entitledto feel anything for him, anyway. I am his assistant, that's all. "  
"Aria ..."   
"Jenna, thank you and Tyler for everything, but I would like to be alone now"  
The blonde nodded silently and Aria disappeared into her trailer.

Aria literally tore off her clothes and tears ran down her cheeks as she climbed into the shower to wash away all the dirt that burned on her skin. But as much as she scrubbed, the memories didn't want to go away with the soapy water. Neither Matty’s brutal hands nor Josh’s gentle touches. So she stood apathetically in the shower and let the water run over her body, which had turned ice-cold a long time ago.  
At some point she managed to get out of the shower and crawled into her bed and fell exhausted asleep.  
When she woke up late in the afternoon, she slipped on her worn black jeans and put on her thick black turtleneck sweater, even though she knew he couldn't get the cold out of her soul. She made herself a coffee and realized that she had to buy ground coffee.  
Her eyes fell on the dining table where the gift basket and the flowers were still standing, which were slowly beginning to wither. A quote came to her mind that she had read once: 

‚Flowers do nothing wrong  
but we rip them from their home   
to give them to people  
who will never love us‘

With a sigh, she set the flowers aside, knowing that the flowers died a senseless death. Then she took the gift basket from the table and although her stomach cramped with hunger, she didn't want to eat anything of it. She hadn't deserved it anyway. She also packed the sweatshirt in the farest corner of a closet. So she could pretend that the garment had never existed.  
The laptop was still starting up when there was a knock on her door. Reluctantly, she opened the door and found Jim and Mark in front of it. Before she could say anything, Jim jumped at her with overwhelming joy and she stumbled back into the trailer.  
"Jim, you bully!" Mark yelled, which didn't impress the dog in the slightest way.   
"It's okay," Aria replied, who hugged the dog and patiently endured his greeting orgy. "Okay, now it's good, Mr. Dun," she said after a while, pointing to a spot in the dining area where there was a blanket. Jim took a seat and expected Aria to sit next to him. "I know, my Lord," she replied. "but you're not my only guest." Then she turned to Mark, who had been watching the spectacle with a smile, and hugged him. Thanks for saving me from Matty”  
"Never mind. I only wish I had looked after you earlier.”  
"It ... it's okay. You ... you came in time. And in the end I can be really grateful that someone looked after me at all. So thank you so much, again "  
Mark blushed and Aria changed the subject "Do you want a coffee?" Mark nodded and they two sat down in the dining area. When Jim had put his head in Aria's lap, happily she asked "What can I do for you?"  
"You know that Tyler will have his birthday soon and we have to come up with a surprise for him. The plan is, Josh and Jenna are going to distract him and the rest of us decorate a room in the concert hall for the party. ”  
"No problem. What should I take care of? ”Mark assigned her various tasks and after he left, she went to the settlement which was more than due.


	17. Do me a favor and try to ignore

The concert was in full swing when Aria and Jim made their way to the nearest supermarket. She had to put on make up to cover the worst traces of Matty's attack and hoped not to run into a fan or paparazzi. She had a large bag with her which contains the snacks of the gift basket. Aria didn’t need to search for long, until she discovered boxes and tents that were hidden in the dark and neglected side streets. She carefully approached them and put the contents of her bag in front of the shabby dwellings.

When she came back from shopping with Jim, Tyler and Josh were just leaving the concert hall. They were so engrossed in their conversation, that they didn't even noticed her. She didn't know what to do, but Jim settled the matter in his own way and barked toward his master, who looked up in surprise. When he saw Aria, his face turned to stone and he looked to the ground, while Tyler's expression was unreadable.  
Josh's reaction hurt her, but she reminded herself that it didn't matter how she felt and walked towards them.  
"Hey, you two heroes, how was the audience today?"  
"Wonderful, as always," the singer replied tensely and she couldn't help but feel that the two of them didn't want to talk to her.  
"Yes, your fans are really special" she replied, trying to keep her nerve. Then she turned to Josh and said "Thank you so much for your support last night and all the best for you and Debby"  
"No cause and thanks" he replied, still unable to look her in the eye.  
"Okay, then I won't bother you any further. Have a nice evening” and she turned away.

"Was that Aria outside?" Jenna asked when the two entered the caravan.  
"Yes," her husband replied while Josh took water from the fridge.  
"Why didn't you bring them with you?"  
Tyler and Josh exchanged looks, but didn't answer.  
Jenna was smart and she knew the two of them long enough to guess what was in the bush.  
"You don't know how to deal with her after the incident, huh?"  
The men's reaction spoke volumes and Jenna continued, "I understand you, but what do you think Aria feels like? She had to experience something so terrible and is then rejected by you."  
"I promise we will fix this" Tyler replied. "But please give us some time to collect us."

Her laptop was still on when she got back into her caravan and she found an update on the band's official website. Brad had posted some pictures of their trip to the park. When Aria looked at the pictures, tears came to her eyes. One of the pictures showed the moment Josh got hold of her and lifted her up to put her on his shoulder. She remembered squealing in surprise and Josh was laughing.  
'You can learn to levitate with just a little help' was the comment below.  
Out of an impulse she wrote 'My heart is with you hiding, but my mind's not made'.   
Then she logged them out and shut down the laptop. Within hours everything had turned to ashes. She could understand Josh and Tyler. They didn't want to get their hands dirty on her. After all, she knew way before Matty's assault, that she wasn't worth anything. She just had to stay professional and stay away from them as much as possible.

The following days she mostly interacted with Mark and Jenna, who treated them with the same kindness as always.  
One afternoon Mark asked her to come in Tyler's caravan and Aria didn't think anything of it because she assumed that the singer was already in the concert hall as usual, to monitor the set up. So she froze when she found not only Tyler but also Josh, Jenna and Brad with Mark inside.  
"Please sit down," the singer asked them, pointing to an empty seat at the table where they were all sitting. Reluctantly, she took a seat as her brain came up with all sorts of disaster arises that were possible.  
"Did I do something wrong?" She asked Tyler, who saw how scared she was.  
"No. On the contrary. Josh and I did something wrong and we want to apologize to you.  
We shouldn't have left you alone after the incident with Matty. ”  
Aria's jaw dropped. "It's ... it's okay. You have to concentrate on the concerts and ... and I understand that you can't burden yourself with something like that. "  
"But we are still your friends and as such we have failed in the past few days"  
"You didn't fail. You were at a loss, maybe overwhelmed by the situation and that's okay. "  
The singer was about to say something when there was a knock on the trailer door and one of the technicians stuck his head in the door and said "Um Ty, the set is ready"  
"Coming" he replied and said to Aria, "We have to go now. But I would be really happy if we could all hang out together after the concert” and smiled at her.  
"Sure" she replied and smiled back, shyly.

When Aria entered Tyler's trailer after the concert, everyone was there except Josh. "Josh wanted to go for a walk with Jim," the singer informed her, but after he wasn‘t still back after 45 minutes, Aria said, "I'll check on him."  
Before she left, Tyler said, "I don't know why he's been so strange for the past few days. I asked him several times, but he didn't want to talk. "  
"I think I know what’s the matter" she replied and was through the door.  
She didn't have to look for long, when Jim came running up to her. Josh hesitated and didn't want to look at her, again. His behavior hurt her, but she stopped in front of him and started "Josh, I don't want to be a burden for you with my presence than necessary, so I'll make it short: You don't have to feel guilty about me. You don't have to feel bad because you're with Debby again. I just want you to be happy, okay? ”  
He looked at her incredulously and wanted to say something, but she had already turned away.  
"Aria wait!" He called after her, but she didn't stop.  
She hadn‘t the strength to go back to the others, so she wrote a message to Jenna and retired to her caravan.

The days flew by and on the day of Tyler's birthday there was a hint of anticipation in the air to give the singer a nice celebration.  
When the concert started, Jenna and Aria started decorating the room for the celebration. The buffet was already partially in place and Aria admired the birthday cake Jenna had made for her husband. “The keyboard was really a good idea. He will definitely be happy about it."  
"I hope so" the blonde replied, smiling. Then she got serious and said, "I don't know if you already know, but Debby will be at the party too."  
Aria froze. She gasped and replied, "I didn't know that. Then ... then it's better if I just congratulate Tyler briefly, give him his gift and go. "  
"Aria, no! Josh has sworn faithfully to us, that she will behave. So there is no reason to withdraw. "  
"Jenn that Josh believes her assurances are in the nature of things. But I don't believe her. And before I risk ruining Tyler's birthday, I'd better go. ”  
"Aria, Tyler told Josh very clearly that if she tries to lay a finger on you even in the slightest way, he will kick her out by himself."  
"That‘s really very nice of him, but it's not worth the trouble. Believe me, it's the best for everyone if I just leave before Debby arrives at the party.”  
The blonde still didn't want to give up and wanted to add something, but Aria was faster“ Jenn, I just had enough crap with Debby and Matty. I haven’t the nerves right now, to let her attack me again. "  
"I can understand that," Tyler's wife gave in. "Tyler and I really would have loved to have you with us" Jenna gave her a sad look and Aria hugged her and said "Hey, you know what? We can go out and have some ice cream, when there’s a little spare time. ”  
"Sounds good".


	18. When the party is over

The end of the show started outside in the hall and "Trees" resounded through the whole building including the frenetic cheers of the audience.  
They were just finished decorating when Tyler entered the room and a big smile appeared on his face. Jenna, Mark and Brad congratulated him first and Aria waited patiently for her turn. She hoped to get out of the room before Josh and Debby arrived.  
"A very happy birthday, Tyler" she said, handing him a black box. "I hope you will like it"  
"Thank you very much" he replied and smiled. He opened the box and a self-crocheted black beanie appeared, the hem looked like a keyboard. A row of crocheted brown ukuleles was placed over it.  
"Wow Aria, did you make the beanie yourself?"  
"Yes" she replied and blushed.  
"Thank you so much!" Tyler put the beanie on and hugged her.  
"You're welcome," she murmured.  
Jenna called her husband to cut the cake and Aria wanted to take the opportunity to leave. But when she reached the door, Josh and Debby came in.  
"You don't want to go already, do you?" Josh asked.  
"I ..." Aria started but Debby cutted in. "Just stay a little longer. We would be really happy” and smiled at her. Josh also smiled and added, "Come on, let's party with Tyler and all of us and have a nice evening." He put his free arm around her shoulders and pushed her back into the room. Although all the alarm bells set off in her head, she simply couldn't refuse him a request and stayed. Still, she tried to stay as far away from Josh as possible to make sure, to not provoke Debby in any way. She settled in a corner, hoping that the others would simply forget that she was there.  
"Hey, Ty what a cool beanie. Where did you get it from? ”Josh asked after he and Debby had congratulated him. “Aria did that for me. If you are good, she may also crochet you one with drums on it” the singer joked.  
"Well, I'll go ask her" the drummer replied, looking around the room for Aria. "I'll be right back" he said to Debby, leaving her alone.  
Aria was staring thoughtfully on the ground as Josh's voice jerked her out of trance. "Oh here you are!   
She looked at him in surprise and asked "What can I do for you?"  
"Um, the beanie you made for Ty is really nice, and… and I wanted to ask you if… .you could crochet such a beanie with drums on it form e, maybe?" and looked at her with puppy eyes. She laughed amused and replied "Let's see what Santa will have in stock for you".  
Suddenly they heard the soft ping of glass and everyone fell silent, assuming Tyler wanted to say something. Instead, it was Debby holding the glass in her hand and starting, “This is really a great party with great people. And because you are all such great people, you should find out the truth who has sneaked into your midst. "Now she looked directly at Aria and continued" Josh wanted me to apologize to you for insulting you. The thing is, I found out that I was right. You are nothing more than a shabby whore, nothing more than a piece of shit and I can prove it. ”She started a video on a tablet and held it under the nose of everyone present.  
Aria didn't even have to look to know what video it was. But the shocked faces of the others, staring at the video, made them beg deep inside to just drop dead.  
"Well, what do you have to say, you filthy whore?" Debby asked, smiling at Aria, who was still rigid with horror.  
"Debby it is enough!" She heard an angry voice and Josh approached his girlfriend, grabbed the tablet and closed the video.  
"What the hell got into you to humiliate Aria like that?!"  
"It's hard to humiliate a whore!" Debby yelled back and before Josh could counter, Tyler said, "Aren't we all whores?" The two looked at the singer in surprise and he continued, "Josh and I prostitute ourselves for our music and you prostitute yourself for television. I don't really see a difference. "  
"Are you stupid, Tyler ?! How can you compare us with this worthless piece of dirt! "Debby dominated the singer and Jenna wanted to stand by her husband and started" Debby ... "but the next moment Aria shouted across the room" Stop arguing !!! "Everyone looked at her in surprise, since none of them had ever seen Aria becoming loud. She went up to Debby and said  
"Yes, I was a whore and I know that I'm a worthless piece of dirt. Insult me if you feel better then, but don't let Josh, Tyler and all the others here atone for your hatred of me. "  
"Then piss off! Nobody needs you here - least of all Josh! Never even dare to look at him again, or I'll tear you into pieces! "  
Aria started to move, but a hand laid on her shoulder and held her back. Before she could turn to see who it was, she heard Josh's voice behind her, “The only one who should piss off here is you Debby. I could slap myself that I gave you another chance. You never meant to change, what? I wonder if you ever loved me as a human being”  
"How dare you!" She yelled at him and raised a hand to slap him in the face, but Aria grabbed her arm and stopped her. "And how dare you, to try to harm him!"  
"Let go of me, you piece of shit," Debby shouted, ramming her knee into her stomach with full force.  
Aria gasped and slumped to the ground before Josh could catch her. Now Brad intervened and grabbed the actress who started kicking around as the photographer complimented her out of the hall.  
The drummer picked up Aria carefully, who was still struggling to breathe, and put her on a couch.  
"Should I call a doctor?" Mark asked, who had already pulled out his cell phone. Aria shook her head and gasped "No." but Tyler nodded, and Mark started to dial.   
"Aria, we want to make sure that you are really okay and have no internal bleeding," the singer explained when he saw her panic.  
Everything was too much for her finally, and she turned her face into the corner of the couch and started to cry softly. Josh knelt beside her and tried to stroke her back comfortingly as he struggled with tears, helplessly.  
When the doctor arrived, he shooed everyone out to be able to examine Aria.  
When he came out of the room 15 minutes later, he said, “Fortunately, Mrs. Rosefield has no internal bleeding. However, she has 3 bruised ribs. She should stay in bed for the next few days and recover. And she should also eat more. She’s to thin and her body is very exhausted. I gave Mrs. Rosefield a sedative so she she’s asleep right now. Someone should stay with her. Many patients are confused when they wake up. "  
"Thank you doctor" Tyler replied, "we'll take care of everything."  
"I'll stay with her" Josh said, who looked miserable himself.  
"Don't you want to collect yourself first?" Tyler asked him, worried.  
"It‘s okay. I'm just mad at myself for believing Debby. I’m sure that she had planned to come down on all of us like a ton of bricks and to destroy Aria. "  
"To be honest, I was afraid of something like that" his friend replied. "However, I would never have expected such a severity."  
The drummer made a startled face and was silent for a while before saying softly, "I should have listened to you, Ty. But the desperate part of me just wanted to believe, against all logic, that she really loves me. "  
The singer took his friend in his arms and said, “Jish, don't let anyone take your gift of seeing the light in every person - no matter how small it is. I always admired you for that and you know exactly how often you saved me with this ability. "  
"Thank you, man" the drummer replied, hugging his friend tightly for a moment.


	19. So I stopped by to let you know

Josh carried Aria into his caravan and put her on his bed. Jim immediately snuggled up to her and the drummer smiled sadly. "You are a good boy. Take care of our Aria. ”Then he went into the living room and lay down on the couch, knowing that he would not really fall asleep, tonight.  
When Tyler and Mark came over the next morning, the drummer sat thoughtfully at his dining table, staring into his coffee. "Do you had a bad night?" Tyler asked and Josh nodded.   
"Believe me, everything will be fine."  
"I don't know if Aria can forgive me this time. I was acting like an asshole to her.” Mark and Tyler looked at him in surprise, and he told them about the night before the incident with Matty. He also told them what she said to him that night when she found him with Jim on their walk . "She actually wanted to go when we came to the party, yesterday. I asked her to stay and she did me the favor." He sighed and continued " If I had known what Debby was up to ... and I still wonder, where did she get the video from? "  
"I think I can answer that." Mark said. "She had the video from Matty"  
"What !?" Josh and Tyler called at the same time. "How did you find out?" the singer added.  
„All of our cell phones, tablets, etc. accesses our mobile server. This registers and saves all processes. Matty sent two videos to Debby weeks ago. ”  
"Two videos?" Josh asked and Mark turned pale visibly. "I, I found the second video and made the mistake of watching it." His two friends looked at him questioningly and Mark knew he couldn't avoid to tell them the content. "It, it shows how ... how Aria is raped by a group of drunk guys."  
"My God!" Tyler said, while Josh groaned painfully and tears shot into his eyes. Tyler stroked his friend's back soothingly. After a while of silence, he said, “That explains a lot about their behavior so far. It is admirable that, despite these terrible experiences, she has retained her kind and friendly manner. ”  
They heard the door to Josh's bedroom and looked up as Aria slowly entered the room. "Good morning," she said softly, and continued, "Sorry about yesterday's inconvenience. I just pack my things and then you are rid of me." She looked down and wanted to move towards the door, but Tyler replied," Who says that we want to get rid of you? "  
Aria stared at the singer and replied "Because everyone wants it as soon as they know what I am."  
"You are our assistant, and we still appreciate you. Even yesterday evening didn't change that. "  
She didn't know how to react to this statement and just stood there helplessly.  
"Sit down with us" Tyler helped her out of her dilemma and Josh put a cup of coffee in front of her, which she gratefully accepted.  
"Aria, Mark found out that Debby received the video from Matty. Now we wonder if Matty took that as authorization to attack you."  
"He ... he had known for a while that I worked as a whore and tried to blackmail me with it."   
She told them the entire story, although it was obviously difficult for her to talk about.After their assistant had ended Josh couldn't control himself anymore and hit the table so hard in frustration, that the cups leapt into the air. "That pig!" He wanted to hit the table a second time, but Aria slowed his fist and he looked at her irritated.   
"Jishwa no, you hurt yourself," she said softly. His fist had loosened and she slipped her hand into his and pressed it gently. This gesture was definitely too much for the drummer and he pulled her into an embrace and bawled his eyes out.   
"Aria, I'm so sorry I was such an idiot! I left you alone after the incident with Matty, I let myself be duped by Debby! And you had to pay for my stupidity, again! ”He babbled between his sobs. She stroked his back comfortingly and when she was sure that he would hear her, she whispered in his ear, "You were worth it" Josh was totally flabbergasted by her statement. He broke away from her and replied "Aria ..." but then he couldn't find any words. "Thank you. Thank you so much ”and pulled her back into his arms.  
Mark and Tyler exchanged glances and both had to admit that their assistant had a good grasp of what Josh needed to feel good again. However, the singer also wondered what price Aria paid for it...

Soon everything went back to normal and they toured from city to city.  
Until one evening there was a soft knock on Aria's caravan door after the concert. Josh stood in front of his surprised assistant and asked "May I come in?" She saw immediately that the drummer was not well and stepped back so that he and Jim could come in.  
"How can I help you?" She asked him and he started: "I haven't been able to sleep properly for days and and I thought maybe you could give me some advise"  
Aria thought for a moment and replied " Lie down in my bed, please " and the drummer followed her instruction. She sat down on a chair next to the bed after covering Josh and Jim. "What's going to happen?" he asked slightly amused, but she put her index finger on his lips and whispered "Schhh". "Do you know the story of Scheherezade?" He shook his head negatively. She smiled and started "Once upon a time ..." Josh smiled too. He felt like a little boy to whom his mother was reading a good night story. The feeling of security enveloped him and Jim's warmth and Aria's calm voice let him slide into a peaceful sleep within a very short time.  
The next morning he was awakened by someone stroking his hair gently. "Get up Jishwa, we'll be leaving soon" he heard his assistant say softly and looked at her sleepily. "A little more," he murmured, pulling her arm towards him and snuggling up to it. Aria laughed with amusement and said "I can see that there are more intensive measures required" Before Josh knew what was happening, he had Jim's tongue in his face. "Eew, Jim!" He whined, sat up and rubbed his face.  
"Good boy" Aria praised the dog and gave him a treat. Josh looked at her contrite and muttered "That was rabid"  
"I hope you can forgive me and Jim," she smiled, holding out a mug of coffee. He took a sip and said "Of course".  
"How did you actually sleep?"  
"Thanks to you, like a baby," he replied with a smile.  
"Where did you sleep?" He asked, feeling guilty. He looked around the small trailer and noticed the blanket and pillow in the dining area. " Don’t tell me, you were sleeping there!"  
"Um," she replied, adding, "It‘s more comfortable than it looks"  
"I'm so sorry" and looked at her unhappily. He hadn't even thought about where Aria would sleep last night when he occupied her bed.  
„I would like to take you out for dinner, to say thank you for all your help“ Josh suprised her. He looked at her with such puppy eyes, that she couldn’t say no.  
Mark stuck his head through the door and said "We'll be leaving in 10 minutes" and looked at both of them irritated.  
When she sat in the car later with him, he suddenly asked, "Tell me, is there something going on between you and Josh?" Aria gaped at Mark, startled.   
"What?! No, of course not! "  
He looked at her inquiringly while waiting at a red light and continued," But you like him, don't you? "  
"I like you, Tyler, Jenna and Brad as well. So I have something going on with all of you now?"  
"Mark shook his head and replied," Aria, you can see it from space, that you two are in love. "  
“Don't mistake loyalty with love. Besides, don't you think Josh knows he deserves far better than something like me? "  
"Aria, sometimes it doesn't really matter what someone was, but what he is." She didn't answer and hoped that Mark would finally drop the subject, what he did.


	20. But I'm lying, I'm so very far from fine

Aria decided that it was better to cancel Josh's invitation to dinner.  
So when he came over to pick her up a little later, she said, "Josh, I'm really sorry, but I'm not feeling well. Can we postpone the dinner? "  
"Yes, sure" he replied, although he couldn't quite hide his disappointment. Just let me know when you want to catch up on it."  
But the days flew by without Aria mentioning the dinner again.  
Josh didn't know what to think about it. His insomnia returned and when he did nod off, nightmares haunted him. He thought several times about to ask Aria for help, but the fear of doing something wrong kept him from doing so.  
He started making mistakes during the shows, missed beats, or insets. One evening it was particularly bad and even the audience was confused about his slip ups.  
When Josh entered his caravan, he threw his drumsticks across the room in frustration and swore, "Damn it, I'm totally incapable!"  
"What happened, Josh?" He heard suddenly Aria's voice who was sitting on his couch, looking at him worriedly. He looked at her in surprise, but before he could reply, Tyler came rushing into the trailer.  
"Josh, can you tell me why you‘ve made this miserable performance this evening? You've been off track for days and don't want to tell anyone what's going on with you.”   
Tyler looked at Aria as if he hoped that she knew something, but she made just a helpless face.  
"I ..." the drummer started but then he shook his head and said "I'm sorry Tyler. I ... I can get this under control, again."  
"I hope so, Josh. It can't go on like this. "  
The drummer's eyes widened in shock and he whispered, "Or you are kicking me out of the band, aren't you?" Tyler didn't answer right away, and at that moment his bandmate lost his nerves and grumbled "You know what Tyler? Then kick me out. I'm sure you're better off without me, anyway. "  
Before the singer or Aria could stop him, he had disappeared through the door and into the night.  
"I'm trying to find him" Aria said.  
"I'm coming with you" Tyler replied, but she held him back. "Ty, no offense, but I think it's better if I go alone." He nodded ruefully and muttered, "Please tell him I would never kick him out of the band."  
"Ty, you should tell him yourself. Let me find him first. ”Then she turned to Jim and said“ Find Jishwa ”and they were swallowed up by the night as well.  
Aria searched for hours, but Josh stayed missing. So she returned to his caravan with Jim to wait for him. All the while she had been racking her brains for why Josh wasn't feeling well and a terrible premonition had taken hold of her. What if she was to blame for his condition? She froze internally and gasped. While she was busy fighting her panic, she heard the crunch of gravel outside. She rushed to the door and opened it and the next moment all her panic was forgotten when she saw Josh staggering onto the trailer. "Oh my god, Josh," she said, hurrying to meet him and preventing him from falling. He leaned heavily against her and whispered "Aaaria, my best, nice to see you". The haze of alcohol that surrounded him almost took her breath away and it was absolutely clear that he was dead drunk. "Josh, let's go into the caravan first," she replied and started to maneuver him towards the open door. "Aaaall what you want, my queen" Aria knew that it was pointless to argue with a drunk, so she let him babble and was happy when she could unload him in the trailer on the couch. Jim, who had happily jumped around her, was banished to the bedroom as a precaution so Josh wouldn't stumble over him in his condition.  
When Aria stood in the kitchen to make Josh a tea so that he was at least a little more sober, he suddenly hugged her from behind and whined "Don't go away, don't leave me" and snuggled up to her. She poured out his tea with difficulty before turning to him and replied "Jishwa I will not leave you" and smiled encouragingly at him even though she was frightened by his closeness deep inside. She just had too many bad experiences with drunk guys. But this was Josh, one of the gentlest people exsisting.  
"But… You…. you didn't even want to have a dinner with me. Am I so bad? ”  
Her heart skipped a beat. So it was her fault that the drummer felt so miserable.  
She was about to burst into tears and replied in a choked voice, "Oh Jishwa, no! You are such a wonderful person. It's me who‘s bad. "  
Josh looked at her in confusion. But then he shook his head and replied, "No ... you're not. And, and I ... I like you a lot ”Aria didn't know what to answer and when he got closer, she backed away until she was standing with her back against the wall. "Don't you like me at all?" He asked, looking at Aria so heartbreakingly that she couldn't help it and whispering hesitantly, "Of course ..." He smiled happily at her and before she knew it, Josh started kissing the back of her neck. Aria panicked, tried to push him away and said "Josh, you are not yourself right now, you don't really want that"  
He paused and took a step back. Aria could see him struggling with himself. Then tears started running down his cheeks and he muttered, "Why does everyone always want to tell me what I have to want?"  
"Josh, hey, don't cry" Aria said softly, wiping the tears from his face with her thumbs.  
"How about you get a good night's sleep and we'll talk about everything tomorrow, huh?"  
She sincerely hoped that he wouldn't remember anything then and that she could dismiss the whole thing.  
"Only if you come with me," he replied, and his assistant was close to panic again. In his condition, she doubted that he would keep his fingers with him. "Josh .." she started, but he interrupted her and said "I pay for it" reached into his pocket and held out a few crumpled dollar bills.  
Aria was stunned. The gesture hurt her so deeply as if he'd stabbed her heart. "I don't want your money"  
"Am I so unworthy to be loved that you wouldn't even stay with me for a fee ?! A few months ago you weren't that picky. ”She could literally hear the frustration in his words.  
The moment Debby showed everyone what she was, Aria knew that sooner or later everything would turn to shit. Well, that moment had come.  
"Of course, you're more than worth being loved, Josh. But if you only see the former whore in me, you have just shown me that I am not worth it, ”she said sadly and walked past him, towards the door.  
It took the drummer a while in his alcohol-foggy state to understand what had just happened, but when the extent had reached his brain, he rushed after Aria and shouted "Aria stay! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it that way! ”She already had her hand on the handle when he caught up with her and hugged her with such force that he pushed both of them to the ground.  
Aria hit her head hard on the floor. Then she felt her ribs crack as Josh landed on top of her.  
He held her in his iron hug and kept repeating with tears, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"  
She didn't move and concentrated on ignoring her pounding headache and getting some breath. At some point she got an arm free and started to stroke the drummer's back soothingly. "Jishwa, everything is fine, okay?" She said. "Don't cry" Little by little his sobs became quieter until he fell into a leaden sleep. Aria tried carefully to detach herself from the drummer and had great difficulty not to make a sound. Everything was pure pain and she needed some time to stand safely again. She didn't want to leave Josh lying on the floor and so she tried to drag him into the bedroom. It took Aria forever, but when she finally hoisted him onto the bed, she was glad to have made it because she was at the end of her strength. She covered the drummer well and put a glass of water and some painkillers on his bedside table. Jim had snuggled up to his master so Josh wasn't alone.

Aria just made it down the steps of the trailer when everything started to turn and she had to sit down. Her whole body throbbed with pain and she felt so tired. Her eyes closed, but then she suddenly heard a voice, "Aria, what are you doing here in the middle of the night in this cold?" She was still processing the question when she heard the voice again and finally understood that it was Tyler "is Josh back?"  
Aria nodded slowly. "He ... was dead drunk .... But now he's in bed with Jim ... and sleeps off his intoxication. "  
Without realizing it, she began to tip over from the step she was sitting on. Tyler caught her and said, "Aria something is wrong with you." He pulled Aria's hood back a little and startled. "My god you have a huge hematoma on your left side of your face! What happened then?!"  
Aria barely noticed his voice and mumbled, "Jsh knckt us over"  
Tyler really panicked and said, "I'm calling an ambulance."  
When the paramedics laid Aria on a stretcher, she managed to open her eyes again briefly. She could swear that she saw a blurry figure standing next to Tyler before she finally passed out.


	21. Wish we could turn back time

When Josh woke up the next morning, he immediately regretted it. His head felt like someone had split it. So he was happy when he found the painkillers and the glass of water on his bedside table. As he swallowed the tablet down, he silently thanked Aria for her circumspection and decided to sleep a little more.

It was already late afternoon when the drummer finally got up. Only when he was sitting at the table with his coffee he noticed that it was strangely quiet outside. He took a few steps outside but didn't meet any human soul. It was unusual. Now he also realized that they were still standing in front of the same concert hall. Something was definitely wrong here. He tried to remember where he left his cell phone last night and started looking for it. 5 minutes later he found it in the crack of the couch.  
He had 1 message from Tyler on the display. Josh opened it and read:

'Hey Josh, I don't know what you did to Aria, but I had to take her to the hospital this morning. We are in St. Mary’s.  
When you have slept through your intoxication, get in touch.  
Tyler '

He stared at the message with his mouth open and tried to remember last night, but everything was black in his memory. What the hell had he done? Had he hurt Aria?  
"Oh my god, no!" Escaped him and he immediately called a taxi.  
As soon as the taxi left, he used the time to dial Tyler's number with trembling hands. After the second ring, he heard the singer's voice say, "Look who's finally awake."  
But Josh ignored Tyler's sarcasm and asked, “Tyler, what happened? Why is Aria in the hospital? "  
"Tell me, Josh," he got an answer. "I happened to find Aria on the steps to your caravan at about 4 a.m. She had a huge hematoma on the left side of her face and was barely able to answer me. Then she passed out and I called the ambulance. "  
"I ... I don't remember anything!" Josh said desperately and started to grind his brain again, which still refused to reveal any information.  
Tyler could clearly hear his friend's desperation over the phone, so he replied in a friendlier tone, "The only thing she said was that you knocked her and you over."  
For a brief moment, a picture flashed in Josh's memory, in which he had hugged Aria in despair and really knocked them tot he ground.  
"Oh god ..." he wispered as more memories came to the surface. He had to control himself not to burst into tears. "What did I do ..." he murmured and the singer knew that his friend could remember last night now.  
"Josh, I'm waiting for you at the entrance to the emergency room. Everything will be fine, okay? "  
But he only got a suffocated sob and he hoped the drummer heared him before hanging up and making his way to the entrance.

Aria struggled to get out of the leaden darkness and slowly opened her eyes. She looked around the dim room, and it took a while to realize that she was in a hospital room.  
"What the hell ..." she grumbled and wanted to sit up, but a violent pain made her sink back onto the pillow. She heard the door open and seconds later a doctor came up to her bed. He raised the bed a little so Aria could see him better.  
"Mrs. Rosefield, you were admitted to St. Marys Hospital this morning. You had a concussion and three broken ribs, two of them stabbed the liver and caused bleeding. The surgery went well and were able to fix everything. "  
Aria nodded silently and the doctor asked" How are you doing now? "  
"Exhausted, but otherwise okay." The doctor nodded in satisfaction and continued, "Can you tell me how you got these injuries?"  
Aria didn't really want to talk about it because she didn't want Josh to have any problems, but she knew the doctor wouldn't drop the topic.  
"It ... it was an accident. One of my work colleagues hugged me a little too stormily and knocked us both over. I ... I just hit the floor unfortunately and he fell on me. "  
The doctor looked at her in silence and after a while he replied, "And you are sure it happened like this?"  
Arias head shoot up and she looked at him trying to ignore the stabbing pain in her head which the sudden movement caused. "Of course! Don't you dare to suspect otherwise! ”  
The doctor held up his hands and answered soothingly,“ No offense, Mrs. Rosefield, but I have to ask something like that.” Then he continued "The young man who brought you here and his friend are waiting outside and would like to see you, if that’s okay."  
Aria nodded and the doctor left the room.  
She scanned the room and almost missed the dark figure standing quietly in one of the corners. She was tall and lean and always seemed to flicker and blur slightly.  
Still wondering what that meant, the door to her room opened again and Tyler and Josh entered the room. The drummer rushed to her side in light speed and immediately started "Oh Aria, I'm so sorry like I behaved to you yesterday. I was such an huge idiot. Please tell me how I can make up for this. "I didn't mean to hurt you, my God, I'm so terribly sorry ..."  
"Josh, calm down" the singer warned, who saw that Aria was a little overwhelmed with Josh's outburst. She took his hand, squeezed it, and said softly, "Forgive yourself." Both looked at her in confusion and she continued, "Josh, I know it was an accident. And because of the other thing ... "she sighed "I can't blame you for despising me for what I was."  
"Aria, I don't despise you. Quite the opposite. I,… I…"  
"Josh, I think you can sort it out with Aria when she's better," Tyler slowed him down again. He saw that her gaze wandered into a corner of the room again and again, but he couldn’t see anything special there.  
Aria, on the other hand, saw the dark figure slowly approaching, but she felt so tired that she didn't even have the energy to be scared.  
"Sorry" she heard the drummer murmur. She smiled wanly at him and replied softly, "Everything is fine. You don‘t have to apologize."  
"I think it's better if we go now," Tyler said to Aria. "Have a proper rest, dear. We'll be back tomorrow, okay? "  
"Okay" she murmured. When the singer smiled shyly at her, she added "Thanks for everything Tyler". He raised an eyebrow and looked at her thoughtfully, but her eyes had wandered back to the corner, already. He couldn't get rid of the feeling that Arias last words sounded like a goodbye.  
Aria barely noticed the door closing when Josh and Tyler left.  
She looked up at the figure who was now standing next to her bed and she heard a deep dark voice echoing in her head 'It's time to go' Aria took a deep breath and asked "Will I see my sun, again?" The figure nodded silently and held out his open hand to her. She put hers in his and closed her eyes. She knew it was forever.


	22. I wanna be known by you

The two friends were almost at the end of the hall when Tyler asked, "Hey Josh, what did Aria mean by you despising her for what she was?"  
The drummer looked uncertainly at him and Tyler could see the remorse and pain in his eyes.  
"I ..." he started, but the next moment an alarm went off in one of the rooms and they both turned out of reflex. Tyler's eyes widened: "Oh no, this is Aria's room!" And they ran back down the hall. Four nurses and a doctor burst into the room when the two reached the door. They were held back by a nurse and had to watch helplessly like the medical staff try to resuscitate their assistant. But no matter how hard they tried, the line of the heart monitor stayed flat.  
"Ty tell me that's not true" the drummer said, who couldn't take his eyes off the scenery of the room. But the singer remained silent. When the doctor put the covers over her face, Josh freaked out.  
"No! You can't do that! Bring her back! ”Tyler and the nurse couldn‘t hold him back any longer and it took two other nurses to prevent him from storming the room. Josh struck desperately and kept shouting, “Aria wake up! WAKE UP!“ Another doctor approached him unexpectedly and gave him an injection that knocked him out within seconds.

Josh woke up in his bed with Jim next to him. "God, what a shitty dream" he grumbled, "I'll never drink a drop of alcohol again."   
He shuffled drowsy into the living area, to make himself a coffee, but when he saw Tyler sitting on his couch, it just needs one look in his tired and sad face, to let the cruel reality descend on him again. He started to tremble and asked softly "Aria? ..." The singer shook his head negatively and Josh burst into tears. He sank down on the couch next to Tyler and buried his face in his hands while Tyler hugged his friend.  
The trailer door opened and Mark came in. He looked at them sympathetically and said, “I canceled all concerts until further notice. However, I still withheld the reason on our official site because I wanted to talk to you first. John is informed."  
Jim jumped around Mark who stroked his head gently, then he ran to the door and wagged his tail expectantly. Everyone knew who he was waiting for. How should they make him understand, that Aria never came back?  
"Um, the hospital called" Mark spoke up again. Josh and Tyler looked at him questioningly and he continued, “They know now what Aria died of. She had a stroke caused by an aneurysm. "  
Josh suddenly jumped up and muttered "I ... I need to get out of here." He grabbed the dog leash and left the trailer with Jim. He walked aimlessly around with him and bought himself a large coffee at the first opportunity. His dog sensed that his master was not himself and after a while he directed him back to the concert hall.  
Josh looked up when he heard Jim whimper and scratch on a door. He was standing in front of Aria's trailer and at first he was sure that the door would open and a laughing Aria, would endure Jim's welcoming orgy. But that didn't happen. Now the dog started barking at the door and Josh said "Jim, Aria isn’t there any longer " and tears started to run down his face. But the dog couldn‘t be stopped from waiting in front of the caravan.  
With a heavy heart, the drummer opened the door finally and entered the trailer with Jim. The scent of roses, cedarwood and coffee hung in the air and brought new tears to his face - it was her scent. Everything in her little realm lay there as if she would come back any moment.  
Jim had made himself comfortable on Aria's bed next to the battered old lion, and after Josh stood there for a while, he joined Jim. At first he just sat on the edge of the bed and cried silently, but then exhaustion overpowered him and he lay down next to his dog and fell asleep.

Josh started dreaming and found himself in a strange place. He lay on cool moss and looked up at a bright blue sky. Then the sun burst out behind a single white cloud and he blinked. Suddenly he heard a chuckle next to him and he opened his eyes in surprise. He looked into Aria's face, which was slightly bent over him and her body prevented the sun from dazzling him further. "Well Jishwa, did the sun play a trick on you?" She beamed at him and he couldn't help but look at her in amazement. He had never seen her so relaxed. It seemed to shine from the inside. "Seems so," he replied, still totally stunned.  
She smiled at him and brushed a strand of hair from his face.  
"Aria, where are we?" He asked when he sat up and let his gaze wander over an infinite grass landscape. "Everywhere and nowhere at the same time" was her cryptic answer and he raised an eyebrow questioningly. Another small smile crossed her face as she added, "It is not important where we are, just that we are." The drummer was still looking at her in confusion.  
Aria rose and held out her hand to help him up. After walking a few steps in silence, the drummer took heart and said, "Aria, I'm so terribly sorry for all what happened."  
"You don’t need to be. It was time for me to go. It's Okay."  
"No, it's not!" The drummer cried desperately and stopped abruptly. Tears started to run down his cheeks and he kept muttering, " It isn't... it isn't..."  
Aria hugged him and gave him time to cry.  
"I ... I want you back Aria" the drummer murmured, when he was able to speak again.  
"You're not the only one, who wanted me back" she replied and he looked at her in surprise. But she looked past him and he turned around to see where she was looking.  
A little boy of about 9 years was standing in some distance from them, smiling shyly.  
Josh looked back and forth between the them a few times, but then he nodded and asked, "May I keep the stuffed lion?" Aria smiled at him and replied, "You'd better ask my son and she waved the boy over, to approach them. "Gabriel, this is Josh. Josh, this is my son Gabriel. "  
"Hello" the drummer said and wanted to shake his hand, but the boy hugged him and said "Don't be sad. We'll see each other again "Josh hugged him too and asked" Gabriel, can I adopt your lion? "  
"If you promise me to take care of him as well as my mom, then you can have him"  
The drummer put his right hand over his heart and replied "I solemnly promise"  
Gabriel smiled at him and said "Then he’s yours."  
Then he turned to Aria and said "It's time to go, mom"  
"I know, my sun" she replied, then turned to the drummer. She took his face in both hands and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead before saying "Don't forget, we will see each other, again". After that, they walked slowly away. Josh watched them go, and a feeling of peace spread across his chest. He understood now that it was okay. It was okay… ..


	23. The world turns from sanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the End I had originally planned for this Story, but changed it for SonataNocturnes sake. Since she doesn't seem to be interested into my work for her, I add it as an alternative End.
> 
> TW: violence, suicide- graphic, suicide attempt

Josh looked at her in confusion. But then he shook his head and replied, "No ... you're not. And, and I ... I like you. A lot. ”  
Aria didn't know what to answer and when he got closer, she backed away until she was standing with her back against the wall.  
"Don't you like me at all?" he asked, looking at Aria so heartbreakingly that she couldn't help it and whispering hesitantly, "Of course ..."   
He smiled happily at her and before she knew it, Josh started kissing the back of her neck. Aria panicked, tried to push him away and said "Josh, you are not yourself right now, you don't really want that"  
He paused and took a step back. Aria could see him struggling with himself. Then tears started running down his cheeks and he muttered, "Why does everyone always want to tell me what I have to want?"  
"Josh, hey, don't cry" Aria said softly, wiping the tears from his face with her thumbs.  
"NO!" The drummer shouted at her suddenly, and started to punch blindly with his fists against the wall.  
"I'm so fed up with being just the idiot for others! I'm so fed up! "  
Aria could not avoid his blows because she was still standing with her back to the wall, so she had no choice but to endure the hail of blows. She knew that she couldn't stop his alcohol-rage of anger and frustration.  
At some point she didn‘t felt the blows anymore, since everything was just pure pain, so she could only catch Josh at the last moment when he passed out from exhaustion. Aria's legs gave way and both ended up on the kitchen floor. Josh's head was on her chest, which had fallen asleep deeply as his bloodstained fists began to loosen.  
Aria held him apathetically and cried silently to herself. She knew she deserved every blow. She was nothing more than a curse for anyone who came too close to her. She ruined the people around them. She had ruined Josh.  
That had to stop. Immediately and forever.  
She slowly got up and managed to get Josh to bed after what felt like an eternity.  
Jim started to whimper when he saw Aria's battered face and refused to stay with his master at first, when she wanted to leave.  
"Jim, it's okay. Stay with Jishwa and take good care of him. ”The dog reluctantly gave in and put his head on Josh's chest.  
After wiping the blood off the kitchen floor, she stepped out into the cold night. The icy air pierced her wounds like a thousand tiny needles, but Aria ignored it as she slowly walked away from the concert hall.

Josh woke up with the mother of all headaches. He reached gratefully for the painkillers and the glass of water that he found on his bedside table and fell asleep again. A few hours later, however, he was awakened by a knock on his bedroom door and he heard Tyler's voice. "Hey Josh, is Aria with you?" He looked around in confusion, but except for Jim, there was no one in the room with him. He got up and opened the door and found a worried Tyler in front of him looking at him questioningly. "Good morning ... no she is not" he replied sleepily. "Shit" the singer replied, and Josh's inner alarm bells went off. He knew that his friend cursed very rarely, but when he did he had to be very upset. "So what's going on? the drummer asked.  
"Aria has disappeared. She doesn‘t answer her cell phone, nor did she left a message. "  
Josh ran a hand over his face as he let the information sink in.  
"Josh, what happened to your hands?" Tyler pulled him out of his thoughts and he looked surprised at his battered knuckles.  
"I ... I don't know"  
"How drunk were you yesterday?" the singer asked and Josh couldn't ignore the accusation that resonated in it.  
"Quite" the drummer admitted sheepishly and lowered his eyes in shame.  
"Get dressed first and I'll make ourselves a coffee in the meantime," his friend replied more forgivingly, and Josh did as he was told while Tyler went to the kitchen.  
When the singer was at the coffee machine, he noticed dents in the kitchen wall. While he was still wondering about, Josh shuffled into the living area and sat down at the dining table.  
Tyler brought the coffee and the drummer gratefully took one of the cups from him. After the singer took a sip, he said: "So Aria must definitely have been here once again, since Jim is with you"  
Josh just looked at him questioningly and muttered, "I still don't remember anything. Everything what happenens last night is gone. "  
"We .. we had a disagreement" Tyler began. "You stormed out in frustration and Aria followed you with Jim to look for you."

Josh raised an eyebrow questioningly, still unable to remember anything. He took another sip of coffee and asked, "What was that disagreement?"  
"I wanted to know, why you played so unconcentrated yesterday, and you guessed that if you couldn't fix it, I would kick you out of the band and stormed out before Aria and I could do anything . "  
The drummer lowered his eyes in shame and his friend added, “Jish, I hope you know I would never kick you out of the band. No matter what burdens you, I am here for you and Aria too. "  
"Thank you, man." After a short silence, he added with a smile. "She was so nice and put me painkillers and a glass of water on the nightstand."  
Tyler smiled back weakly and replied, "Yes, that's how she is. The care in person ".  
"I'll get another coffee," Josh said and went into the kitchen while Tyler tried to call Aria again.  
However, this attempt also remained unanswered. Just as Tyler was hanging up in frustration, he heard something smashing on the kitchen floor and an almost animal-like cry came from the kitchen. The singer jumped up alarmed, and rushed into the kitchen. "My god Josh, what happened ?!"  
He found the drummer standing in front of the wall, with trembling hands, his broken coffee cup lying on the ground. Tears ran down his cheeks as he kept sobbing "That, that's not true, ... I didn't do that ... Oh God please ... don't let me did that! ..."  
Tyler turned his friend over to face him and asked worried, "What shouldn't you have done, Josh? Do you remember anything?! "  
But Josh was totally shocked and looked at Tyler desperately, unable to speak. Instead, he kept looking back and forth between his hands and the wall.  
"Did you hit the dents in the wall?" His friend nodded silently and started to tremble even more. The singer sensed that this was only part of the truth and took a closer look at the wall, now. A cold horror crept down his back, as he saw a faint silhouette between the dents. "Oh no ..." he whispered, looking stunned at the drummer. "Josh ..." he started and pointed to the wall "Josh, did ... Aria stand there?"  
"Now the drummer finally collapsed and he sobbed" Yes ... I ... I... beaten her...up! And ... and I don't know...why! God, what have I done! "  
Before the drummer could get completely hysterical, Tyler grabbed his face and forced him to look him in the face.  
"Josh, we have to find her. She may be seriously hurt.“ His friend's eyes widened in horror and he stammered, "Oh my god, no!" He stormed out and nearly ran Tyler over. The singer followed him, when Josh reached for the dog leash and Jim was at his side immediately, happy to finally be able to get his walk. "Jim, look for Aria" he said to him and after he had picked up the scent, they started walking.  
The dog led them away from the concert hall and into a forest. The deeper they got, the more Tyler doubted that Jim was leading them in the right direction. He was about to say something when the forest released an old dilapidated factory building. The retriever headed for a half-open rusted iron door and disappeared into the building.  
The two friends stopped at the door for a moment, undecided. "Why should Aria be here? That doesn't make any sense, " Tyler said, but Josh replied," You know, Aria is hiding at the strangest places, when... "but then his voice failed. The singer nodded and they entered the building.  
It took them a while to get used to the dim light inside and Josh called for Jim. A few moments later they heard the dog barking, but it came from far away. They followed the sound and tried not to trip over the debris that littered the floor. The closer they got to Jim, the more they heard another sound. It was the metallic crunch of metal. While Josh was just amazed at the noise, Tyler found it a slow rhythm - as if something was swinging slightly. An uneasy feeling crept up on him and when they turned around the corner his worst fears came true.  
Jim stood in the middle of another large hall and barked at the ceiling. Josh discovered the reason for his behavior first, and let out a shattering scream. "NOOO! PLEASE DON'T !!! ”Tyler followed his gaze and his breath caught. Aria was hanging from a beam on a rusty iron chain. Her dead body swayed gently in the breeze that blew through the broken windows. "Ty, get her down there!" Josh begged, "Oh my god, get her down there!"

The singer tried to make out the chain in the twilight and found out, that he had to climb on the beam to release it manually. He started moving and found some recessed ladder rungs in the wall. It took some time for him to reach the beam and carefully astride it until he reached the thread that held the chain. Hoping, that the rusty lever that controlled the chain sprocket was still working, he carefully flipped it over. He breathed a sigh of relief as the chain started to move and Aria's body sank slowly to the floor.  
Josh received her body with trembling hands and hugged him close. When he stroked a few strands of hair from her face, he let out a heart piercing cry which startled Tyler and made even Jim flinch away. "God, what have I done!" He kept sobbing as he gently stroked her battered face.  
Tyler hurried back to Josh, who was growing to lost his nerves.  
On the way back he bumped into something and a dim light switched on. He looked at the floor in amazement and saw it was Aria's cell phone. He picked it up and looked at the cracked display. In addition to the notifications of his calls, he found a saved message from Aria that she hadn't sent. He opened it and gasped for air. "I'm sorry. Don’t mourn a day and move to someone else. ”He closed the message and his eyes fell on the background image of her smartphone. A trembling sigh escaped him as he looked at the photo. It was Brad's 'Levitate' picture from the park.  
Then Josh's words tore him out of his thoughts "I ... I'm a ... monster ... I don't ... I don't deserve ... to live anymore ..." He picked up a sharp rusted piece of metal in an attempt to ram it into his neck.  
"JOSH, NO!" He called, rushing towards him. At the last moment he was able to knock the piece of metal out of his hand and hug him from behind. "You're not a Monster Jish" he whispered over and over and began to rock his friend lightly back and forth. But the drummer was already far away inwardly, and endured Tylers attempt to comfort him, apathetically.

He only woke up from his rigidity when a medic tried to release Aria from his embrace. "No!" He protested, pressing her body closer to him.  
No matter how hard they tried to convince the drummer to let them go, it didn't help and the emergency doctor finally put him out of action with a strong sedative and he sank back into Tyler's arms.

"My God, what happened?" Mark asked when he found Tyler in the waiting room of the emergency room.  
The singer looked at him sadly and answered wearily "Neon Gravestones"  
"Huh? I don't understand what you mean, Tyler. "  
The singer reached into his jacket pocket, took out Aria's cell phone and showed Mark Aria's message.  
The latter sat down next to him and put a hand on his to give him at least some kind of comfort while the singer stared into space. Mark did the same, while they were waiting for some news about Josh...


End file.
